long long time nv blog.
cz the modem lar!
mans.
haiyo.
actually i blogged on sat.
cz modem was okay before i sent it to uncle cp's house for some config.
but in the end, cannot publish.
sadded.
haha.
so published tday and its now below this entry!
-points below-
haha.
anws, nothin much these few days ba.
nv go online so i do hw lor.
haha.
so far i completed one full jap paper and my i and r.
came up with a schedule for myself for this hols.
hope i can keep to it.
yupps.
:)
wish me luck ppl.
haha.
very long nv come online.. miss bloggin.
and chatting with ppl.
haha.
actually only close to one week ba.
this shows im addicted to coming online le.
:/
haha.
got miss me when i was offline anot!
haha.
i know you all missed me right!
eh i shall stop it.
hms.
just heard that day.
SHI!
CONGRATS WORRRR!
-raises eyebrows at you-
haha.
and quit that habit of yours lar!
say what, make fun of me is a habit.
tsk idiot!
and you hor.. use paper clip liao lar.
still lidat!
=X
hhaha.
okok.
hms.
how come nothin much to say all of a sudden?
dont know leh.
hols is lidat i guess.
esp when you havent been in touch with the world.
like, no internet connection = cut off from the outside world lidat.
and i havent been gg out either.
like, i only go out to bring my sis home and go joggin and go sch.
so sad right.
ahaha.
then sun i nv go church cz i got gastric.
:/
ohwels.
tmr got band.
and have to pass up i & r.
://
then i got like, 8 hours in between.
:///
mans.
think il do the notice board.
band prac band prac.
i miss my horn.
haha.
hms.
think im super random-ing now.
i shall be off!
everyday, everyday, everyday..

mata ne..

wahlaooooo....
so long nv blog le.
shit mans.
cz internet connection got prob sia.
then the moment i got online on thurs night i was dc immediately.
haix.
then called up the person at singtel there and he screwed up my modem.
whoa damns.
i dont want to talk abt my fixing-the-internet-connection experience.
its super traumatising.
://
anws, i managed to finally get it done tday, aft all the callin up and eth.
whoa sehs.
the ppl there at singtel helpdesk alr know me alr.
like, "whoa is that ms koh callin again."
damns.
eh not that they said that, but..
you get the idea.
hms.
and whats worst is that, when i finally finished eth,
i was pluggin some last stuff and eth.
my dad just came over to the comp and he sat down then he logged off my account on the comp.
then he signed in his.
WITHOUT EVEN ASKIN ME, MIND YOU!
damnits.
whoa i was super pist.
but at least i get to use the comp now.
aft tellin him that i need the comp and he gave me that bushuang face.
damns.
dont talk abt it le.
3 days to blog abt.
alot alot.
hms.
got my results on thurs..
and yea, good news, i got promoted.
glad that i made it thru.
thank God really.
brushed past.
and i know i wldnt have made it without God’s help.
guess i really have to learn to trust God and let Him work accordin to his plan.
i shld let God do His work and not interrupt.
hms.
but i can still feel the burden..
dont know leh.
like the truth havent sink in yet.
and, like its not very.. haix.
how to say lehh.
aft we got our results, all of us waited outside the classroom for the ppl inside..
haix.
a few of us began to cry?
cz we know things are not gna be the same anymore.
i saw wanteng and i was like, really..
whoa..
hms.
kok msged me also..
haix.
hms..
i cld see the class spirit on thurs mans..
thats really great..
sheesh..
ppl, pls take care of yourselves.
everyone of you out there.
aftwards, i was walkin home and it began to rain.
walkin in the rain brings me the nostalgic feelin again.
began to think.
again.
yea i know.
i think i think too much le.
erps.
nvms.
then when i was on the lrt, there was this lil girl sittin in front of me.
and she had a hamster in her hand.
like, no cage no nothing.
just that hamster.
and she was playin with it lar.
like, let it run on her hand, put it on her skirt, put it on the seat..
so i was watchin her and the hamster.
it reminded me so much of the hamster that i used to have.
yea the one that the jnrs gave me for pop.
huiwei the ham, named after huiwei.
haha.
still rmb the way she scratches her head, washed herself, eat the sunflower seeds..
but i cld hardly hold her cz i was hardly at home.
and she bites me when i try to hold her.
sad..
and how she looked like before she died.
big, swollen eyes..
she hardly ate.
became hyperactive and ran around in circles.
mans.
i dont think i shld talk abt it anymore.
hms.
then on fri, no need to go sch lar..
in lieu of dont know which hol.
seriously, i until now still dont know why fri that day no need to go sch.
not like i want to, but i dont know why dont need leh.
ohwels.
ppl say dont need to go then i didnt lor.
haha.
hms.
oh yea.
that poh dont wna sign my OGL form.
thats that i guess.
God’s plan, let it be that way.
tho il miss a really great experience.
haix.
who tell me dont wna study hard enough.
eh did i not?
ohwels.
shant ponder abt it no more.
anws, i had to go for jap.
last day of jap..
after the super long 5 years.
whoa..
all the "had to miss cca becz of jap" since a long time ago.
and all the drag feet to moelc kind of feelin.
and all the scared of not being able to understand rubbish.
and all the do the jap hw rubbish.
not like im accomplished aft like, 8 years of muggin jap.
but im gna miss the feeling.
the feelin of doing more homework and havin more tests than other ppl.
haha.
haix.
jap lessons.
mans..
im really gna miss it.
think il cont my jap studies..
aft all these.
its really a waste if i lose everything that i have now.
hms.
think il think abt all these aft my AOs ba.
hms.
i miss all the senseis also!
esp my senseis!
like, koh sensei, chua sensei, muto sensei, seetow sensei, endo sensei!
haha.
hms.
now i think abt it, i forgot how koh sensei looks like le!
damns.
think very long nv see her le.
since sec1?
my goodness.
where did she go?
hms.
anws, aft lessons, deb gave me a prez and thanked me for being her jap mate for so long.
whoaaa..
so sweet lar you!
:D
then i went for youth meetin.
pastor keep callin on me to ans qns lar!
he kept pickin on me!
like ask me what we can learn abt the song and eth.
:/
ahh.
and samuel said sth that pist me off and kept me awake for quite some time when i tried to slp.
damns.
anws, tday, woke up.
went to sch to have the meetin.
the dinner meetin.
haha.
hms.
generally i tink the ppl in the ad hoc are all fun ppl!
haha.
then we meetin that time very fun de.
cz everyone has all sorts of crap ideas lar.
super farnie.
laugh until i wna die.
ahaa.
gd gd.
btw, all bandits!
the theme for the dinner is TROPICAL!
go wild!
be creative!
most creative gets a prize!
haha.
then aft we finished, the ppl who were in the band room played songs tgt.
we played some wolf song and grandfather's clock.
haha.
so fun.
:)
did my sight readin improve recently or are the recent pieces all relatively easy pieces?
hms.
haha.
then we all went to j8 to eat.
yupps!
at ljs.
yea and that kok ps us!
kok! im really gna give you that look!
im givin that look to you now!
-gives you THAT look-
haha.
dots.
ok nvms.
and yuxi cheat us say wna show us the chocolate cow!
mans.
then he say, "orh dont wna show you all le."
wahlao.
tskkkk.
irritating.
wna slam my bag into his face le.
haha.
alrite alrite.
then we walked around for a while and then we all went home le.
hms..
came home.
played ff6 for a while then went to lie on my bed and think.
yea the thinkin me took over the usual me.
haha.
haix.
hms..
why are some ppl just so scheming?
out to destroy ppl's lives just to get back at them?
wldnt it be better if you just act oblivious and pretend that you know nothing?
do not stumble ppl.
right?
hms.
and and, i just dont know how to express all these.
just keep i guess.
keep them.
and, i really dont know how to mend this broken vase.
it just falls apart.
once i thot i got it fixed, it falls apart.
im tryin, im tryin.
tho i keep gettin cut.
pls hlp me can?
dont just stand there and watch.
pls?
haix.
sometimes i think i rant too much.
but when i want to listen, ppl dont let me.
haix.
just, dont know how to say lar.
hms.
guess i might not be online for a while.
cz i need to get the modem and the router to uncle cp's house to fix.
dont know when it will be done tho.
now can only have one comp go online only.
that explains the dad-snatchin-comp-to-use incident.
haix.
ohwels.
i better let my sis use the internet before everything goes off for fixing again.
haix.
never been off my mind..

jya ne..

hms.
rice told me sth two days ago..
pls dont think that way kayy.
my results have got nothin to do with you..
really.
its not your fault but my own.
i brought this upon myself.
i really hope you will just drop it and forget it.
really.
dont ever think that way.
haix.
dont know if you will still be readin this..
ohwels.
hmms.
OP rehersal tday.
the technical dry run was alrite.
no probs no nothing.
yupps.
when we went back to class to present, mans, i dont know what happened.
cz tday we were the first grp to present.
then everyone is still paying attention to us.
cz the prev time, we were the last grp in class to present, then everyone was not payin attention at all.
they tried to distract us some more lar.
but tday totally different wor.
then when i was talkin, i sudd cldnt talk.
cz stanley was in front of me and he looked soooo fierce!
sooo fierce im tellin you.
super duper scaree.
then i see him, i cldnt talk lar.
wahlao.
aftwards i told him that, and you know what he replied?
he said, "sorry arh, i was payin attention and listening to you all mar.."
i was like..
:/
haha.
ohwels.
went for band prac aftwards.
played grandfather's clock again for brando tan, this other piece which was, accordin to junhao, sounds super german.
the second piece was like, 8 pages and has 400 over bars!!!!!!
whoa siao.
hms.
tho both the rental fee is 600 bucks plus, i think the latter is harder lehh.
hms.
and then we played festive overture, which was a chore to play after the prev two pieces.
i pitched until my lips were really numb le.
:/
like as if we din have enough, we went on to play ms saigon.
wahlao.
by the end of the four pieces, my lips drop off alr lar.
mans.
so painful.
now the lips still feel very raw lar.
like the outer layer of skin got scrapped off lidat.
hehs.
ouch.
oh yea oh yea.
shuying came back for band!
yea..
still rmb how two of us met last time lar.
like i msged rice and told him that his fren just came for band.
then he msged her and told her that his fren, me, was in band too.
and he keep msging the two of us lar.
super lame.
until i finally met her in the toilet and i decided to say hi to her.
and we went home tgt.
whoa.
ahha.
what a cute way to make frens.
hms.
heard wenkai mite be coming for band.
ahah.
but looks like mr yeo is not very keen on recruitin him.
hms.
ohwels.
wenkai also considering if he shld join anot.
aiya depends on him i guess.
haix..
history repeated itself.
i feel like im always in the way mans.
time to move off again..
haix.
but does it have to always be the ppl around me?
damns.
first it was my two good frens.
and now its my traveling home frens.
mans.
haix.
get out of the way again i guess..
sianded.
hms.
go on ba..
be busy with your life again.
il be here.
come back anytime you want.
i dont want to be your burden.
haix..
ppl nowadays have an obsession with disposable stuff dont you think?
disposable plates, disposable cutlery, in econs got disposable income..
and disposable friends.
simple, clean and convenient.
haix.
nah im not pist.
just dont like the way things turn out i guess.
1 day to judgement day.
1 day to determine the life i will lead..

mata ne..

SOO SIANNNNNNN.
argh.
damns.
i think im droppin alot of hair recently lar.
when i was washing my hair, i get this huge lock of hair off my head.
then when i condition my hair, another huge lock of hair off.
when i wash off the condition, another huge lock.
when i comb my hair, alot of hair comes off again.
i go moisturise it, then another bunch of hair is on my hand.
then i recomb my hair, another huge lock of hair comes out again.
wahlao.
everyday i go thru these steps, alot alot of hair drops off.
wahlao.
tskk.
argh.
haix.
im really damn freakin sick of my life.
i am sooooooo damn damn damn sick of my life.
i had led a shittifying life mans.
really.
tday nothing to do then keep thinkin.
wahlao.
keep keep thinkin for soooo long.
cz nothing to do then il sit there and think.
i was thinkin for like, almost the whole day sia.
think and think and think.
wahlao.
the more i think, the more pist i get.
then i got super frustrated with myself.
mans.
i really cant believe how screwed up my life is.
its freakingly screwed up.
i really want to mend my life.
but cant.
its all IN THE PAST.
damnits.
wheres the reset button?
i really want to reset my life sia..
I AM SO SICK OF MY LIFE.
so many things that ive done and regretted.
and am regrettin now.
still regretting.
everytime i think back, il feel sooo damn embarrassed of myself.
like, what was i thinkin back then?
damnits.
i lead such a screwed up life.
screwed up, screwed up, SCREWED UP!
shit.
damns.
so pist, so pist with myself.
haix.

Welcome To My Life
Simple Plan

Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna runaway?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more?
Before your life is over
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

No one ever lied straight to your face
No one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
Never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like, what it's like

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like (what it's like)

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life

songs that speak for me.
haix.
thanks to tracy and zhenghui who prayed for me.
thanks girls..
really.
appreciate it.
and xinrong, who is ever so concerned abt all of us.
thanks alot..
and hope my class ppl are havin loads of fun..
sorry i cldnt join you all tday.
haix.
i am soooooooooo sick of my life.
so sick.
so so damn super sick of my life.
haix.
think recently i keep wallowin in self-pity.
damns.
orsino.
haix.
2 days left.
2 days to determine how my life will be.
should i be OGL?
i really dont know.
i hate myself for thinkin so much.

mata ne..

life is boring.
tday lectures, class discussion, then i chop chop went to meet my mum, ate lunch, went home, slpt for 2 hours, bathed, went for jap and came home again.
haix.
sian-ded.
i am so touched by lirong.
she is such a dear to me.
thanks lirong :)
really.
lirong the beautiful letdown(im sorry) says:
:/
lirong the beautiful letdown(im sorry) says:
gloria
lirong the beautiful letdown(im sorry) says:
must be hapy okay
lirong the beautiful letdown(im sorry) says:
then no matter what happens on thurs, it can wait till then
lirong the beautiful letdown(im sorry) says:
:)
lirong the beautiful letdown(im sorry) says:
and ill always be where
lirong the beautiful letdown(im sorry) says:
*here
lirong the beautiful letdown(im sorry) says:
so even if its in the middle of the night, 3am, and you need someone, you can call me okay!
*nyjcBAND- ->glors<- ﾌSﾉ｢Bｸﾁﾆ says:
haha
*nyjcBAND- ->glors<- ﾌSﾉ｢Bｸﾁﾆ says:
the same things you used to say to me
*nyjcBAND- ->glors<- ﾌSﾉ｢Bｸﾁﾆ says:
thanks girll
*nyjcBAND- ->glors<- ﾌSﾉ｢Bｸﾁﾆ says:
really.
*nyjcBAND- ->glors<- ﾌSﾉ｢Bｸﾁﾆ says:
loves you to bits
*nyjcBAND- ->glors<- ﾌSﾉ｢Bｸﾁﾆ says:
:)
*nyjcBAND- ->glors<- ﾌSﾉ｢Bｸﾁﾆ says:
il stay strong.
*nyjcBAND- ->glors<- ﾌSﾉ｢Bｸﾁﾆ says:
for you!
lirong the beautiful letdown(im sorry) says:
seriously just count on it
lirong the beautiful letdown(im sorry) says:
yep i love you too!
lirong the beautiful letdown(im sorry) says:
<3
mans.
thanks alot girl..
alot alot alot.
youre the best.
never left my side since sec 1.
:)
hms.
tday lesson ended at 11.15am..
then our class got some meeting.
abt class outing.
mans.
they tmr gg marina sq the yuki yaki there to eat.
haix.
cant join them.
cz dad dont let.
say i spend alot of money le.
guess thats that.
then when we were sittin in the canteen, we saw mr lawrence.
quite far away tho.
so we decided to call him.
but mr kuek anti climax lar.
he came over and told our class guys not to sit on the table.
ehhh.
then he asked shaojie who was at the extreme end, "so your class everyone promoted anot?"
right.
thanks a million for askin that.
then shaojie was like, "errrmms.." and he gave the shifty eyes.
so i guess mr kuek got the msg.
haix.
thts one of the reason i dread sch, really.
i dont wna encounter all these stuff.
im sick of it le.
aiya whatever lar.
anws,
when he finally left, we really called mr lawrence.
then he came over, and he said, "i thot you all will say, 'mr lawrence, wo3 men2 ai4 ni3!' aiya you all arh.."
so we were like, "ok ok. we do it again. go back go back."
and he really went back to sit.
then we called again, "mr lawrence, wo3 men2 yong2 yuan3 ai4 ni3!"
haha.
then he came over and he said, "wo3 hen2 gan3 dong4."
-_-"
whoa so lame mans.
then he asked the guys, "why you all never say arh?"
then they abit reply say they give moral support lar.
wahlao.
idoits.
haha.
and ms poh was in the canteen.
we all pretended not to see her.
and i heard from the guys that she got turn back and look at us lar.
oh my.
did we make her jealous?
dont care lar.
she crap asshole.
oh yea.
on fri, shaojie passed me the OGL form.
cz i told my pw group that i wanted to be OGL mar..
thanks to my own OGLs, jacq, marilyn, jason and alvin..
i wanted to be an OGL since the beginnin of the year alr.
but now, my results so shit, can i be one anot?
later ms poh come aft me..
and keep tellin me say what, "your results so bad alr still want to be OGL? you should dedicate the time to catch up in your studies!"
right.
and i dont know what the band teachers will say.
haix.
tell me what i shld do.
hms..
heard frm huiyu tday that she is gg to poly le.
:/
she got the withdrawal form tday lar..
mans.
this is makin me really freaked out.
i dont know how she had done for promos..
but, she leavin ny for poly is really scaring me..
haix.
what shld i do..
at least she knows wht she will do..
at least she has the courage to take the other route..
haix.
ohwels.
when i was gg to meet my mum tday, i met aunty joyce at the traffic light lar.
whoa..
then she told me the usual stuff.
"need to get anything, or bathe or sth, just come over to my house to take okay? my maid recognises you."
so nice right.
but il feel so paiseh if i really go and get stuff lar.
tho ive known her like, all my life.
ever since i was born.
hehs.
talkin abt her, uncle hong choon was preaching on sun mar.
then he said a story.
this is how it goes..
there was a man who went to hell.
and he knew there was no way he cld get out of that place.
so he begged God,
"pls let me go back to my friends and family members to tell them not to live the way i used to live. so that they will not end up like me in hell."
he was beggin so hard.
but you know what God told him?
He said, "No. they wont believe you. even if you came back to life and told your close ones to change their lives, its no use. I had alr sent my Son, Jesus Christ to die and rise again from the dead. if they choose not to believe in Him, who came back to life, there is no way they will believe you."
whoa.
i dont know.
it just seemed so significant to me.
like, yea.. so true..
mans.
haix.
just sudd dont know what to say..
hms..
hadnt been slpin well recently..
keep havin dreams and always kena jerked awake.
:/
considering the situation now, i guess thats the effects of stress ba..
haix..
hate puttin on masks.
hate seeing masks.
im sick of facin the reality of life.
3 days to thurs.
3 days to judgement day..
just one day, one day to leave everything behind and replenish my energy..

mata atode..

tday go church, come home, slp alot again, watch matrix revolutions and come online.
everyday just passes like that.
i really wish i can just leave everything behind and go away.
really go away.
but i have too many responsibilities.
too many.
way too many.
even simple things like the notice board and the band dinner is holdin me so tightly.
i just cant give them up lidat.
its way too unfair.
unfair to the ppl who are directly or indirectly affected by them.
im so tired.
i can hardly move anymore.
but i have to.
i need to complete all these first.
i need to.
i keep tellin myself, "come on, i need you to complete these things. come on. get up and do it. finish them and you are done."
and mr neo is pushin me to do things.
he msged me tday to tell me to send out the invites soon so that can get the confirmed attendance for the dinner asap.
i cant stop here.
everything is pushin me, tellin me, "move on, move on."
simply refuses to let me stop and rest.
i just need one day,
one full day to myself and replenish my energy.
but everything is pushin me.
"move on, move on."
i cant run anymore.
im laggin, laggin behind.
"move on. quick! speed up! everyone is ahead of you!"
eh damnits.
this is gettin real dramatic.
i shall stop.
its gettin ridiculous.
thanks to annie for givin me a real inspirational talk.
lotsa cheem stuff for me to ponder over.
and thanks to regi for fri..
and thanks to kok for tday..
haix.
somehow,
i choose not to believe in certain things.
i choose not to.
cz the greatest disappointment comes from the strongest belief you have.
wel, of cz that excludes God.
thats a different case i guess.
somethings,
i just choose not to believe.
i am not gna believe.
in certain things.
ehh save me.
some things are becomin too overwhelmin for me to take.

Superman (It's not easy)
Five for Fighting

I can't stand to fly
I'm not that naive
I'm just out to find
The better part of me

I'm more than a bird;I'm more than a plane
I'm more than some pretty face beside a train
And it's not easy to be me

Wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home I'll never see

It may sound absurd, but don't be naive
Even Heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed, but won't you conceed
Even Heroes have the right to dream
And it's not easy to be me

Up, up and away, away from me
Well it's all right; you can all sleep sound tonight
I'm not crazy or anything

I can't stand to fly
I'm not that naive
Men weren't meant to ride
With clouds between their knees

I'm only a man in a silly red sheet
Digging for kryptonite on this one way street
Only a man in a funny red sheet
Looking for special things inside of me

Inside of me (x4)

I'm only a man in a funny red sheet
I'm more than a man looking for a dream
I'm only a man in a funny red sheet
And it's not easy

It's not easy to be me

different situations, similar thots.
its a wonder how songs and music can speak so much for you.
one day il fly away, leave all these to ytd..
how did satine leave moulin rouge in the end?
dont worry.
i wont kill myself.
its not that extreme.

jya ne..

i made a hole into our kitchen table top.
ok lar.
its not a big one.
but its pretty deep.
got it there when i was tryin to break the crab shell with the grinder.
as in, those manual grinders lar.
also dont know how you call that.
hms.
tday went to do pw at naz's house.
hms.
keep sneezing.
ah wels.
then came home and slp aft eatin with dad and mum and bethia.
slp for so damn long.
recently like keep havin naps.
used to be able to last for one whole day aft slpin for 5hours the prev night.
now cannot le.
hms.
was watching all the moulin rouge clips from you tube ytd.
so decided to put up the lyrics to this song.
one song that speaks so much.

One Day I'll Fly Away

Satine:
I follow the night
Can't stand the light
When will I begin
To live again?

One day I'll fly away
Leave all this to yesterday
What more could your love do for me?
When will love be through with me?

Why live life from dream to dream?
And dread the day when dreaming ends

Instrumental

[Christian:]
[How wonderful life is now you're in the world]

One day I'll fly away
Leave all this to yesterday
Why live life from dream to dream?
And dread the day when dreaming ends

One day I'll fly away
Fly, fly
Away

btw,
thanks liwen..
hms.
dreadin life at every moment.
cant make it anymore.
im sick and tired of all these.
kept in suspense until thurs.
what if you hate yourself so much that you dont want to be you anymore?

jya ne..

i thot i was fine alr.
i thot i was gettin over it.
i thot i was movin on.
i thot band prac tday wld make me feel better.
i thot.
thot.
it was fine at first.
really.
then mr yeo came in to give some instructions.
and he said sth abt the contract players.
so he looked at me and he said, "gloria, do your job eh."
meaning, bring warmth, bond the band, yada yada yada.
then he added, "btw arh gloria, are you worried abt your results?"
i was like, "yar."
and he looked to the band, "yar band, who is worried abt your results?"
then some ppl raised their hands, including me.
he talked to shirley for a while, then he counted.
then he pointed to some ppl and said, "i know your case, i know your case.."
and he pointed at me and said, "i know your case."
and he went on..
as if nothing happened.
when what he said hit me real hard.
it hit me deep into the ground.
deep down into the core of the earth.
that instant, i felt it all come back to me again.
everything.
the feelin, everything was back.
no mood to play my instru le.
simple parts also dont know how to play.
i cant even make a good sound.
what the hell.
whatever.
im havin a headache since band prac.
its really hurting.
aiya whatever lar.
went for jap.
had a conver with baoxian.
guess what?
it seems like everyone has the same script for this wonderful show!
"gloria! hows promos results?"
"bad."
"but can promote right?"
-shakes head-
"har.. really arh.."
haix.
then now come home le.
haix.
dont feel like bloggin anymore.
so hard.
its so hard.
btw, thanks lirong, leon, shi, yining..

want to do this no more.
keep me away, take me.
leave everything behind.
and soar into the sky.

cant, cant, cant.
the baggage is too heavy.
fallin, fallin, fallin.
the wings are now bleeding.

everyone is flying high.
above the clouds, into the sky.
no one seems to be falling.
no one but me.

who to heal my wings?
who to lead and guide?
a desire to depart.
kiss all goodbye..

really want to cry.
but the tears have dried up.
totally.

i hear the echo of my footsteps.
and each one gets heavier.

mata atode..

this is like the 160th entry of this blog.
whoa.
i din know i blogged so much within like, 8 months.
anws, talked to regi over the phone ytd.
she very much convinced me, and made me feel loads better.
i wont say i feel alrite now,
but, better than the past few days?
thanks regi..
really.
thanks alot.
din know how you did it, but thanks.
and she told me so much crap lar.
she was so high some more, then very random.
then got alot of random stuff pop up.
really made me like, "huh? what?"
haha.
haix.
thanks regi..
anws, tday geok, wanteng xinrong, mervyn, stanley, jianlin and still got dont know who.
alot of ppl from my class lar.
they all ponned econs lect.
and they went to find poh to ask her to hlp those ppl in our class who are in danger of retainin.
yea i know.
includes me.
they went to find her and talked to her like, for 45 mins.
mans.
im really touched.
tho they din really succeed, but really want to thank them for makin the effort.
poh, as usual, act as if shes the righteous one, law by law i wld say.
and she said, "i will only help those ppl who are worth the help."
thats like..
i dont know.
"worth the help".
how do you define "worth the help"?
who is worthy who is not?
its like, i really dont know how to say.
what if she has a wrong perception of that person?
what if she doesnt like me?
then wldnt it be like, "orh, too bad for you."?
i dont know lar.
was really touched by my classmates they all.
really really.
and when i saw geok and xinrong crying,
i was like, "mans.."
then i din really know what to say.
guess our class is really bonded cz of jasmine poh lar.
common dislike.
or wld i say, common hatred?
oh wels.
tmr our class all gg on a rebel.
we all not gna present our OP.
"just stand there and press press the thing," as what geok said.
so every class the ppl all chionging for tmr's OP.
my class?
like nothing to do lidat.
just do the ppt then heck.
haix.
i think im really the worst.
like really no hope le.
other ppl got higher chance of promoting, cz they are not that far away from a pass.
but me..
i dont know.
haix.
i dont really want to talk abt this.
but.. it is constantly on my mind.
never left my mind for one sec.
not a fraction of a sec.
haix.
band prac tmr.
i wna go play instru.
i want to go and be part of the music.
thats why i joined band in the first place.
being part of the music, having the music speak for you.
but, i dont really want to meet the ppl.
everyone starts askin abt results.
then il get the same reaction.
"hey gloria! hows promos results?"
"eh bad.."
"haha. aiya can promote right?"
"cannot."
"oh."
-silence-
those who are more familiar with me will have this kind of conver.
"ayye gloria. hows promos results?"
"bad.."
"aiya cannot be that bad right. can promote anot?"
"cannot."
"really meh? cannot be lar. whats your results?"
and when i do tell them my results,
-silence-
and they give me that, i-empathise-with-you look.
i experience so much of all these that im sick of it.
haix.
ohwels.
this feelin can never be portrayed to anyone.
haix.
ohwels.
i 1 week nv play my horn le.
tmr go le cannot pitch all my high notes.
aiya who cares anw.
got jap tmr also.
its gna be exhausting.
and im bringin my laptop also.
whoa.
but i dont need bring notes.
so guess it shld be quite okay i think.
argh damns.
dont feel like bloggin le.
i shall be off.

'Cause you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forever more
You'll be in my heart
No matter what they say
You'll be here
in my heart always
Always

mata ne..

thanks mj, shi, chest, regi, yongde, geok..
i dont feel like bloggin tday.

deepest, darkest valley of my life..

mata ne..

i dont know how to start.
i guess, its just lidat ba.
tday lesson ended at 10.45am.
very early.
so i just went home lor.
reached home, played ff6.
got stuck then i went to look for walkthroughs to help.
managed to get past that section and i went on to the next.
but i forgot to save and i was annihilated in the next section.
so i was back at square one.
ohwels.
went to nap.
thot il just slp for 1 hour.
in the end, i slpt from 2.30 all the way to 6pm.
whoa.
im really tired i guess.
then went to aunty sarah's house cz enoch keep askin us to go watch high school musical at their house.
so i brought bethia and went there.
celia came straight after sch and all three of us were just in time for the show.
its a really nice show..
like, i dont know.
i can say its a typical, but nice teenage kids kinda show.
but its all fantasy.
its the typical kind of fairytale that most teenagers dream of i guess.
maybe its even close to childish.
ohwels.
i dont care.
just watch.
and it was nice, so there.
the songs were nice also.
hms.
ohwels.
thanks to puiyeok who really went home with me tday.
she accompanied me and took train w me lar.
tho its the longer way for her.
thanks alot.
and yanghao, who msged me again to check on me.
hey, thanks for tryin to keep my flame of hope burnin..
its really very sweet of you.
and my class girls..
thanks for all of you tryin to cheer me up..
and thanks kok for offering to listen..
thanks to lirong too..
haix.
what can i do?
im dead.
what if i really need to retain?
i dont wna think abt my results.
im so dead.
and it makes me feel extremely frustrated when ppl give me that empathising look.
it gives me the feeling that you dont care at all.
"oh retain arh. mans, too bad for you i guess."
empathy.
huh. some are not even close to being empathetic.
some are just sympathy.
ohwels.
i cant blame you guys tho.
cz its all my fault for not doing well.
guess i just dont like the look that you are givin me.
argh.
forget it.
just leave me alone.
just pretend that you din know me or sth.
maybe il just disappear from the face of this earth.
then you all can just pretend that i dont exist.
whats the point of me here anws.
im of no good use.
i cant do anything right.
ah whatever.
its so lame to rant here.
like it will hlp me promote lidat.
like it will do any good to the situation.
fallen into the deepest valley of my life.
just leave me there to die.
i dont care.
i have to go for maths retest.
ARGH DAMNITS.
i shall stop rantin here before i start scoldin vulgarities.

Come What May
EWAN MCGREGOR AND NICOLE KIDMAN

Never knew I could feel like this
Like I've never seen the sky before
I want to vanish inside your kiss
Every day I love more and more
Listen to my heart
Can you hear it sings
Telling me to give you everything
Seasons may change
Winter to spring
But I love you until
The end of time
CHORUS:
Come what may
Come what may
I will love you until my dying day

Suddenly the world seems
Such a perfect place
Suddenly it moves with
Such a perfect grace
Suddenly my life
Doesn't seem such a waste
But our world revolves around you
And there's no mountain too high
No river too wide
Sing out this song
I'll be there by your side
Storm clouds may gather
And stars may collide
But I love you until
The end of time

Repeat chorus

Oh, come what may
Come what may
I will love you
I will love you
Suddenly the world seems
Such a perfect place

Repeat chorus

mata ne..

i dont wna talk abt my results.

just wna come to my old friend here to get some comfort.
tho its not giving me much.
anws, thank those ppl who tried to cheer me up and make me feel better tday.
pui yeok, who was always there sittin nxt to me while gettin the papers, pattin my knees, tellin me that its gna be alrite, that i shant think so much.
priya, who keeps encouragin me and givin me support, tho i know that she herself is not feelin too good either, and huggin me to make sure that i was alrite.
naz, who patted my back. tho a small gesture, it meant alot to me.
rice, who came to talk to me after so long, and asked me abt my situation without makin it sound intimidating and hurtin, and also for just squattin there and listen to me tell you eth.
xinrong, who keeps tellin me that it wont be so easy to be retained, and constantly tries to supply me with new hope.
jinyu, who constanly gives me support, huggin me and makin me walk around so that il feel better.
kok, who came but din ask me how it was. the look you gave me was "questioning" enough. and also tried to make me feel better by tellin me that the marks are not confirmed. and stood there with me when i was crying.
xinrong, jinyu and puiyeok again, for stayin with me and just sittin with me outside lt4 for one hour, lettin me know that you guys are there for me, and only gg home when ive decided to leave.
joann, who came to ask me how was my promos and tellin me that its okayy and to take care of myself.
puiyeok and xinrong again, for sendin me all the way to the bus stop and waited for my bus with me.
puiyeok again, for offerin to take lrt and go home with me, tho she takes the bus way. im so touched by you girl..
wanteng, who pangseh-ed her fren and just sat there next to me on the bus, lettin me know that she is there for me, and for givin me that pat on the hand and tellin me that i cld msg you anytime i need someone.
hyun jae, for noticin that i was stoned. at least i know i am not someone whom no one cares abt.
sin ae, for tryin to make me feel better by tellin me that she has got 2 Ss for her promos and that she has to go for retests.
deborah, for tellin me that her sch results also not very good, and tries to keep my mind away from things by tellin me all sorts of crap and even offered to talk to me if i want to call her.
chih hung and landis. tho i dont know you guys too well, you two noticed and tried to cheer me up thruout the journey from 3rd lang centre to the mrt station. for tellin me all sorts of nonsense and also that a lady is the prettiest when a guy manages to make her smile. that really made me laugh..
landis, for the monkey faces, jumping around, singin of rubbishy songs and tellin me that there will definitely be moderation. that i shant worry too much.
chih hung, for reminding me of God's perfect plan, tho he is not a christian himself. and tellin me that il confirm retain so that when moderation pulls me out and promotes me, il feel very happy.
finally, all the msgs that i got.
from yanghao. who alr noticed that i was upset even after the second paper only, and for tellin me in the msg to smile and not to worry too much. and most of all, not to give up. i was surprised. really surprised.
from leon, section mate.. tellin me to take it easy and God will bless me..
from genevieve, asking me if i was okay and if i can promote. eh.
from shi, tellin me that i may still have a chance, and not to give up. and "we" will be there to support.
from grace, who felt guilty cz she was not there to comfort me in the hall, and offerin to let me rant to her.
from chye keong, whose msg din sound too nice cz he gave me all his promo results, everything, and askin me abt mine. and telling me that "oo thats sad" when i told him abt my situation. right. jz wna thank you for the salt.
from kok again, tellin me again that the final grades are not decided yet. its drilled into my brain alr.
from puiyeok again, who msged me and tell me dont think too much and can make it de. remindin me to remain cheerful. im really touched. really really.
from joann again, tellin me that its not such a bad thing and tellin me to learn from experience. givin me a verse from Romans 8:28 that God works for those who love Him. that God will work things out for me cz im precious to Him and to her as well. tellin me to be happy cz my smile always makes her day.
from tracy, that no matter how results were, God loves me and has a great destiny for me.
and also the replies that i got.
from priya, who tells me that she will be there for me and not to worry. and tellin me that she loves me. thanks priya.. love you too..
from xinrong, who tells me not to worry so much, and to keep my fingers crossed cz things may turn out otherwise.
from wanteng, who tells me that it upsets her when i am sad cz she doesnt know how to make me feel better. its alrite girl. you being there for me is more than enough le.
well.
guess thats it.
many ppl cross this path that i tread.
and many leave impacts on my life.
i will treasure all of you and i really want to thank you all for all that you guys had done.
all the encouragements, all the little gestures that may be deemed as insignificant, all the comfortin words that you guys gave me.
really.
i cant thank you ppl enough.
from the bottom of my heart,
thank you all.
words cant express the appreciation and the gratefulness that lies deep down in my heart.
and i thank God for all of you, who were there to show me God's love.
despite all these obstacles, i will not lose hope in you, my Lord.
i will wait for you to show me the plan you have for me.
hms.
but, im not feelin any better.
not a single bit.
ive never been so screwed up in my life.
i really want to give up.
i really feel like just endin my life here.
i dont want to see no more.
i dont want to experience more storms and walk thru more valleys.
ive waited for the rainbow long enough.
im sick of everything.
im tired, exhausted.
im angry, im irritated, im disappointed, im discouraged, im upset.
i cant walk on anymore.
im fallin off.
im losing my grip.
i lie in darkness.
one path lies in front of me.
the path to hopelessness.
the road of givin up.
hm.
no choice had to go jap tday.
mum wanted me to.

a battle within my soul.

mata ne..

just came home.
tday went church.
then got some badminton thing with the chi dept.
so mum, bethia and me came out early cz need to get some things done at hougang mall.
i bought new rubber bands and clips!
yellow ones and orange ones.
yay..
and i got my specs fixed.
haha..
the nose cushion thingy dropped out just before the open house perf.
mans.
eh haix.
anws, yea.
then we went over to punggol cc to play badminton with the kids.
so i was playin with david, enoch, and celia lar.
celia arh.
she dont wna go hougang mall with us mar.
then she cycled to the cc herself.
ohwels.
met her there.
anws, was playin with them.
then soon i cldnt run le.
cz i got cramps.
damns.
so yea.
ouch.
i can feel my legs weakening lar.
so i dropped out of the game and sat there.
:/
then uncle timothy decided to go home.
so all of us lombang his car.
orh, celia rode the bicycle home alone again.
hms.
ohwels.
then we all went to koufu at my house here to eat dinner.
aft dinner, we all gg home.
then uncle timothy fetched mum and two sis home cz bethia was falling aslp alr.
and she got stomachache also.
so left me and dad.
then dad wanted to look at some fruits and eth.
so i told him, "ayye i go home first lar. got stomachache."
then dad gave me the irritated look and said, "han lar han lar. go home lar."
wahlao.
so i was like, -shruggs- lor.
ohwels.
then i walk abit.
scared that i die on the way.
so called celia to come out and walk with me.
and she really come out lar.
whoa so nice.
mans.
sometimes i think me sis is more "gentleman" than some guys lor.
but yea lar.
i know.
shes my sis mar.
ahha.
ohwels.
haix.
argh.
the strength in my legs is really being drained away.
okok.
i shant talk abt it anymore.
tmr takin back results.
haix.
im really worried and scared.
super.
super super super.
haix.
but there is nothing i can do.
except to trust in You, Lord.
really.
put all my trust in You.
what has been done is done.
ohwels.
tmr got jap.
haix.
sian-ded.
think i really screw up jap le lar.
oh mans.
enoch just msged me and wish me that i wont have cramps tmr.
ehhhhhhh!
how he know de!?
mans.
so malu.
a p6 guy tellin me that?!?!
shit lar.
bury myself in a hole.
haha.
alrite alrite.
hms..
i dont know how to feel now.
emotionless?
numb?
desensitized?
dont give a damn anymore?
i dont know.
i really dont know what to do.
maybe i still do care.
but i choose to ignore.
i mean, i have to.
aiya what am i talkin abt?
hms.
thot of my sec sch band cheer tday.
so long nv say that cheer le.
ok here goes:
leaders: all set?
all: you bet!
(stomp stomp clap x4)
SB unite we'll show our might! (stomp stomp clap x2)
we'll show them how our ppl fight! (stomp stomp clap x2)
we'll walk to the front with courage and might,
cz ain't nobody's gna break our stride,
cz we're the we're the SB! (scream), SB! (scream).
we're the we're the SB! (scream), SB! (scream).
leaders: gimme an S!
all: S!
leaders: gimme an N!
all: N!
leaders: gimme another S!
all: S!
leaders: gimme a B!
all: B!
SNSB BRAVO!
oh my.
relieve the memories.
results tmr..
haix.

mata ne..

it really kills me when i see everyone so discouraged, so upset, so pist off.
and i cant do anything.
and when i try to, it makes things worst.
maybe i shld just sit back and watch show i guess.
theres nothing i can do.
maybe i shld just heck care.
what can i do?
i mean, il just screw things up.
aiya, im just plain useless.
oh what the hell.
i shant care.
hms.
mans.
stnicks changin principal to nanyang girls' principal.
and where is ms choo gg?
HAHAHA.
tpjc.
GOOD LUCK TO ALL TPJCians YEA.
you guys will DEFINITELY need it.
and,
start growin ear wax yea.
you wont want to hear things that clearly.
or you can prac your selective hearin skills.
cz there will be plenty of showin off coming towards you.
and lotsa crap.
mans.
all the best tp ppl.
and i really meant what i said eh.
HAHA.
aiya.
i shant talk anymore.
i think the more i talk, the more mistakes i make.
i shall just shut up.
shut up and watch show.
this entry shall be just full of pics.
orh i can upload pics frm my phone to my laptop le.
so yea..

cai yilin! my sitting partner for 2 years and classmate for 4 years!
mans. i cant blif i tolerated with your messiness for 2 years.
=X
ahah.

yea me dearest lirong!
whoa like bestest bud for 4 years and counting!
just talked to you a moment ago!
=)
loves you girl~

shuxian!
yes the piggy shoes who is still sendin me stupid msgs up to now!
haha.
oh yea, and you nv fail to suan me.
damns.
miss you!

st 13.. the path ouside st nicks..
mans. i walked this path for 4 years?
goodness.

took this pic of myself at the church coffee shop there.
zi lian mans..
grace looks like she hates her food.
hahha.
see lar.
that mj arh.. she cut her cake before she even blew out the candles.
mans.
girl arh. what were you thinkin?
old alr then become forgetful isit?
hahaha.

whoa i mug until i look like i wna die soon.
thanks to yuxi who took this candid photo of me eh..
:/

haix.
the muggin days.. on the day of the phys paper.
:/!
last day of exams.
us gg home with kok's and yongde's new haircut.
:D saf open house.
yea i know.
me and all the kids.
at the helicopter which im not even sure if it will be used.
://
dad, mum, bethia and a random lil kid at the helicopter.
haha.
cool right.
alrite.
i think thats too much for an entry.
moreover, its hard for me to upload pics to my blog.
like got some prob lidat.
aiya.
dont care lar.
tmr got church.
or rather, tday got church.
supposed to slp early but look at the time.
1.26am.
well done.
huhs.
watched lotsa tv tday..
hms.
sometimes i just like to make things simple.
so that everyone will feel alot better.
seeing everyone like this, it makes me feel really bad.
really really bad.
nah like i said, i shant say much.
ohwels.
i assigned myself a silent role frm now onwards.
hope i can keep to it.
which i think i cant.
aiya, who cares lar.
take one step first then see how i guess.
failure at every single part of my life.
damnits.
maybe thats the last you will hear.
from me.

mata ne..

tday open house.
hms..
think we really did very well for open house.
seriously, compared to ypsb concert,
its a million times better.
really, im serious.
and im sooooo proud of ourselves.
not by the fact that we played good or bad,
but by the fact that we had improved.
thats really the greatest thing ever.
really.
and we had like 56 ppl signing up for band.
okay, not like it means anything.
but at least got ppl interested lar.
whoa.
prac my convincin skills.
ahaha.
i think aft this, i can write a very good argumentative essay le.
haha.
okok.
ignore me.
hms.
tday yizhen, xinru and weiying came to ny.
yay!
made them sign up at the band booth.
ahha.
but hor, weiying and xinru like dont wna join band lidat.
whoa.
did ms sia traumatise them or sth.
ahaha.
ohwels.
mr neo gave another talk tday.
hms.
this time really did it mans.
it beat some ppl down, it pist some ppl off, it made some ppl feel even more heck care.
i dont know lar.
i basically feel that we really improved and we did our best and there is nothing to really be upset abt.
i mean, i dont really think too much abt it.
just maybe, yea i know we cannot be complacent and decides to stay at this stage after havin improved.
then i see everyone so shagged i also feel so.. :/
some ppl move on rather quickly i guess.
some relatively quickly.
some need more time.
some not at all.
some became more pist instead.
hms.
wels.
i really dont know what to do.
the mood was really..
i can feel it.
really.
totally.
and it upsets me.
like, i see a prob but i cant do anything abt it again.
haix.
hms.
heres to a few ppl..
dont know if you guys will read this, but ohwels.
REGI:
heyy me dear regi..
i know you are very very tired and confused now.
hope you feel better alrite?
you know it, il be here all the time.
need ranting can just come to me.
dont think so much for now.
one step at a time.
take it easy and it will be all fine.
trust me.
and il always be here to help anytime yea?
love you loads girl..
=)
KOK:
ayye you arh..
i jolly well know you are not okay lar.
relax kay.
you also dont think so much can..
chill and you will be able to calm yourself down.
once you are cool, then you will be able to think clearly.
really.
i mean it.
and keep this in mind.
i am so gna drill this into your head.
nothin is gna last.
you said so yourself.
nothin.
and that includes both bad and good things.
yeps.
and need a listenin ear?
i have two alrite.
got spare some more.
so you tkc too..
LEON:
heyy section mate..
i see you so stressed i also very scared.
like, i can feel the tension lar.
relax dude. i really need you to relax.
take things slow kay.
slp well tnite yea?
have a very good rest and you will feel loads better tmr.
yupps.
stay strong alrite..
you are the man dude!
and i know you can do it!
chill!
and dont forget to have fun!
really!
ANNIE:
annie!
dont think so much kay!
whats impt is that you have improved and there is nothing to worry abt.
really.
you din fail yourself so no worries kay!
i know you have quite gotten over it le.
thats good!
now i need you to take care of your body and get well soon!
JIAHENG:
dude!
dont be so pist can..
i dont know.
you havent said much but i know you are not alrite yea..
relax lar.
chill and think things thru.
some times, maybe only stress will keep things gg yea.
be more optimistic!
=D
...
haix.
guess thats abt all i have to say tday.
mans.
what can i do?
tell me,
what can i do?
will things turn out to be better or worst?
this is a crucial point.
how everyone reacts will really determine whats gna happen in the future..
everyone is almost beaten.
but no way.
we are not gna be beaten.
especially not us.
everyone else can be beaten but we all must stand strong!
stay positive and together, ppl!
this is one huge hurdle..

mata ne..

HEYY PPL!
NY OPEN HOUSE TMR (13/10)!
2PM TO 5PM!
BAND PERF AT 2.15PM!
:D
COME SEE AND JOIN US FOR OUR TUNE IN ON 2/12!
ahahaha.
tday got PW again.
mans.
two hours tutorial, 1 hour lect.
deadddd.
but good news is that,
POH LIKED OUR WR!
YAYYYYYYYY!!!!
eh okay.
let me rephrase.
POH LIKED the front part of OUR WR!!!
hahaha.
okok.
self-delusion.
eh, self-delusion reminds me of orsino.
haha.
"if music be the food of love, play on!
give me excess of it, that surfeitin.
that appetite may sicken and so, die!
....
enough! no more!
'tis doesnt seem as sweet now as it was before!"
haha.
okay.
dont rmb le.
:/
mans.
dont know if i quote correctly anot.
it seems so long le..
haha. okok.
anws, i was saying,
orh yea. our WR.
haha.
poh put 4 "good"s on our WR!
YAY!
FOUR LEH!
FOURRRR!!!!
hahah.
cz she normally nv put de lar!
then she tday say our WR is the best in the class.
=DDDDDD
i feel a sense of self-satisfaction.
with our grp and myself too!!!
:D
yay yay yay yay yay!
okok.
anws, tday i did the rangoli thing.
with wanteng, xinrong and jinyu.
with some of our classmates supportin!
is an indian tradition for deepavali de.
then you do it by drawin patterns on the ground and you fill up the colours with coloured rice.
haha.
at first its quite scaree cz the rice like run everywhere lidat.
ahah.
but aft a while it becomes really fun!
like a kid playin with sand lidat.
ahaha.
sooo fun.
but we din win lar.
mj's class won first prize mans.
its a pic of two butterflies eh.
cool~~
haha.
congrats to them!
swensens voucher leh!
haha.
had loads of fun, really.
thanks to priya and naz who helped us alot!
:D
oh,
then i went back to band room and helped out with the open house stuff.
touched up on the outside board and put up the background for the inside board.
hms.
the background for the inside board is too small for the width.
mans.
din calculate properly.
shit mans.
nvms lar.
maybe like what annie said.
put a border.
then put up our banners also.
mans.
its time for us to paint a new one.
the other two are so old lar.
erps.
we shld paint a beeeg and niceeee one.
haha.
then can use for O1 and O2 next year.
=D
yay!
ahaha.
hms..
i msged like half my sec 3 sqd lar.
eh okok.
they now sec 4 sqd le.
ayye? oh mans.
pass out le.
cannot even call them sec4 sqd le lar.
time flies.
haix.
ahaha.
they are my grown kids.
ahha.
still rmb the first drills session with them..
first time i scolded them.
ahha.
mans.
so long time ago.
then i like to use my voice to intimidate them.
dont know if it works tho.
haha.
sheesh.
the times that i had with them.
anws, yea i msged 14 out of 28 of them.
then only xinru, van and phy replied lar.
wahlao.
haha.
xinru and van told me that they will drop by and will call me when they reach!
yay!
ahha.
so long nv see them le.
KOK!
MY JNRS ARE COMING!
hahahah.
are you afraid of the 5 letter word?
-waves the 5 letter word in your face-
haha.
okok.
jkjk.
hms.
hope van rmbs to bring my invest uni.
:D
i miss my invest u!
:(
then phy msged me and tell me that st nicks is chartering a bus to HCI for their open house.
then she gg to HCI instead and cannot make it.
ok lor.
win liao lor.
haha.
alrites nvms.
hms.
mie lil sis keeps sharin with me the sweets that she received frm sch.
like, those fren's bdae goodie bag, children's day and eth.
oh mans.
feel so guilty.
i shall go buy her and celia some sweets one day.
ahaha.
tmr is open house!
:D
haha.
i hope we get alot of ppl signing up for the tune in.
=D
so enthu lar.
ahha.
okok.
i shall get the band to be high tmr.
then we can act high and enthu for the perf.
haha.
the "who let the dogs out! woof woof woof!"
hahaa.
hms.
its so saddening lar..
maybe im pms-ing.
haha.
okok.
shit lar me.
but hor.. i dont think is i think too much lehh.
i really dont know what you are tryin to do.
like, i get a very hostile feelin.
maybe i really dont click with you.
i cant stand the, actin ke-lian part lar.
if you dont know what to do, pls.
if you really dont know what to do, dont sit there and complain.
go find out pls.
dont be a spoilt kid and sit there and keep complaining.
think abt it.
like complaining and not do anything will help you solve the prob lidat.
pls lar.
seriously.
mans.
i dont mean you cant complain.
its alrite.
go on. complain all you want.
but aft complaining, pls go do sth abt it.
really.
haix.
hms.
so fast hor.
im gna be j2 le.
eh that is, if i promote.
hehs.
anws, whoa.
it seems like just ytd when i first came to ny's open house.
now here i am, preparin for the open house.
so fast sia..
hms.
time flies.
i hope nth goes wrong tmr.
how come i just got this gut feeling that something bad will happen tmr that will screw up our open house?
hms.
i dont know.
anws.
hms.
i dont think you know it when im really pist off or irritated unless i tell you.
aiya, not like its a big prob but, ohwels.
who cares lar.
wel i mean i care, but not like anyone else wld care.
aiya whatever lar!
tmr can go to sch at 9am.
:D
cz got PW lesson before the open house.
then i think in the morn got the j2s grad ceremony.
yeps.
alrites.
this means tnite i can slp more.
haha.
i think i really need the slp lar.
i very lack of slp de leh.
stupid comp lar.
keep tempting me.
ahha.
now shoulders aching cz i was holding my horn up for so long ytd lar.
and my back aches cz i keep bending down to do stuff on the floor tday.
the rangoli, the notice board, the flyers.
owww..
-streches back-
haha.
oh the flyers are really cool.
:D
so many colours.
simple and sweet.
:D
alrites..
this entry is gettin really draggy and boring to read.
i shall go do other stuff.
do what stuff?
i dont know.
ohwels.
hms.
you promised me that things will get better.
but i dont see anything happening.
do i have to be the one who keeps startin the ball?
damns.

jya ne..

ouch.
i got a paper cut.
damns.
its both itchy and painful.
argh.
got it when i was tryin to unroll the paper for the notice board.
ehh tday PW until i wna die le.
so sian.
mans.
but at least we got it more organised.
eh i hope.
i HOPE it WINS POH'S FAVOUR.
argh.
then i like, keep doing stuff lar.
okok. i shant say anymore.
later it gets out of hand then its not gna be too good.
tday had this dialogue session with mr kuek.
hms.
the first part was pretty dumb cz there goes poh boon and benjamin cheah holding their own debating session.
so everyone was laughin.
cz it was pretty comical.
alrite alrite.
i shant be evil.
the second part was damn farnie lar.
cz mr kuek asked for suggestions.
then alot of ppl go up to give alot of suggestions.
haha.
the super farnie one was the toilet one.
haha.
cz the first level guy toilets not so well constructed lar.
haha.
then got alot of ppl go up and talked abt it.
wahlao.
it was super super farnie.
laughed until i wna die.
ahaha.
okok.
then had band prac later on.
whoa i play until my lips really hurt alot by the end of the prac.
tday that junhao nv come lar!
tell me he sick cannot play le.
then leave me alone.
cz leon was conducting mar.
wahlao.
so for open house songs, only got one horn.
yea.
1 2nd horn for shrek dance and 1 1st horn for instant.
well done.
so sad lar.
then no one to talk to.
haha.
ok lar.
not really lar.
cz got chester and carol wong next to me.
but you know, no one to complain abt your part to.
haha.
really pushed myself to play for very long knows.
then later mr brando tan wanted us to play disney's fantillusion.
damn.
then i signalled leon, tellin him that, ayye come play with me leh.
leon asked mr tan whether he can come back and play.
mr tan was like, "no! you are conducting what!"
so leon was like, "eh but..", then he point point in my direction.
ahha.
then mr tan was like, "ok lar ok lar. go back."
yay! so leon saves the day!
haha.
but he tday the upper lip was peeling real bad.
then got abit of sun3 pi2.
so he cant really pitch all the high notes also.
but he is still good!
haha.
mans.
i think i depend on him and junhao alot.
if dont have them playin with me arh, i really will die arh.
now to think abt it, i think my jnrs back in snsb are really not very good.
aiya cz last time i thot we were not bad mar.
then jael and me really were the pillars of the section.
haha.
its so different here lar.
but learn alot frm my two section mates!
:D
anws, snsb horn sect!
better prac harder!
haha.
oh aft prac i got a skeleton of the dinner with annie.
hms.
hope din leave out anything.
aiya tday very sian.
dont feel like doing the board.
damns.
and regi asked me what pics i takin frm those that are gna be printed out.
so i was like, "eh everything lar."
cz i asked for those pics?
eh. anws,
yea.
then regi told me, "arh. can dont do the board anot? cz we need pics for the booth. then can lighten your load also."
hm.
eh okayy.
so now i dont need to do the inside board.
maybe just put up the background lar.
anws, was super pist tday.
wahlao.
you better stop giving me all the nonsense arh.
all the rubbish reasons and what have you.
im warnin you.
if you do it again,
IF YOU EVER DARE TO DO IT AGAIN,
i am so gna tell you off.
RIGHT INTO YOUR FACE.
dont think im not capable of such stuff eh.
you see my smileyface most of the time eh.
try me.
you want to break my limit right?
il show you wheres my limit.
you dont go overboard, im tellin you.
are you plain stupid? or are you HANDICAPPED in some ways? or are you just INCOMPETENT?
then i dont see why you are given that responsibility.
i dont think you deserve it, im tellin you.
you try me.
you try me somemore i am so gna show you.
i am so gna show the other side of me that my frens had not seen for so long.
go on.
i dare you to try me.
you better watch it.
ESPECIALLY WHEN I START GLARIN AT YOU.
you better watch it.
dont you ever dare to cross the line, im tellin you.
go on.
you want to test the water right?
il show you whats a whirlpool.
you better not do it again.
im warning you.
argh.
i cant believe it.
i shant bother myself with such stuff.
its not worth it.
hms.
anws,
seriously, i dont know what to think.
like, i really dont know whats up with you lar.
competitions.
i hate them.
esp those that drains my mind.
esp those that challenges your capability.
eh isnt that all competitions?
competitions test your capability right.
ohwels.
i just dont like a certain kind of competition i guess.
aiya.
hms
oh yea.
mr neo walked into the band room and gave a talk tday.
then he said, "most of you didnt do very well."
://
"in fact, some of your results are really disgusting."
i think i rmb him using that "disgusting" word.
oh shit mans.
i dont wna screw up again.
argh.
die le..
im in deep shit.
i dont even know if i will pass any subj lar..
shit lar.
i mean, other than my jap which i alr passed.
but thats not the point.
anws, yea.
im worried sia.
but what is there to worry abt when its all over?
eh.
leave things in God's hands.
He will give me what is good for me.
hms.
i really feel like emo-ing now leh.
but so drowsy le.
think i gna slp now.
very tired wor.
haix.
so many things to think abt.
aiya.
i am gna Zzz soon le.
tmr still need to do the board.
haix.
hms.
yea im glad that its solved.
is it?
at least i hope.
thats one big load off my shoulders.
haix.
still got dont know how many more loads to go.
alrites.
me gg off le.

was it worth the cries?
was it a waste of tears?
was it a waste of time?

mata atode..

hms the haze is back le.
eh dont wna blog abt tday.
so shit lar.
i know i know.
its only 4pm in the aftnn and i feel so shit alr.
hms.
ok lar.
maybe il blog abt the notice board.
hms.
put it up tday.
wels.
i think its not nice lar.
as in, a feelin that i got.
then when huishan walked over to the band room to borrow a photocopying card, she said sth like, the board being blue, very ugly or disgusting or sth lidat.
then later, she added a line, "eh pretend that i din say that."
right.
pretend.
eh im not blaming her.
its just that, you get the most truthful comments when you dont let someone think abt what he or she has to say.
okay.
im not sayin that the rest are lying or tryin to make things sound better.
but im just curious abt the amount of truth in huishan's statement.
hms.
it sounds wrong for me to say that.
okok.
im not pist or anything.
definitely not.
im just wondering whether the board is really okay or isit like what huishan said, very er xin.
haix.
i dont know lar.
maybe im paranoid.
eh i dont know whats up with me recently.
im like constantly in tension mode lidat.
like, i will break out in cold sweat for nothin.
as in, i dont know why i sudd will just break out in cold sweat.
just now also lidat.
then i was in a state of shock for quite some time.
okok. not so exaggerated.
but anws,
i went to buy choc to calm myself down.
hms.
somehow, theres this something in the choc that calms me down.
ehhh.
then my pulse will beat very fast de.
i dont know why!
i have got no idea.
i think got a couple of days le.
mans.
whats up with me?
like, for no reason lar!
then il be super jumpy.
in defense mode lidat.
when ppl say sth, then il use a shield to defend myself first then i evaluate the statement.
and im easily agitated.
oh no.
whats wrong with me?
ehhhh.
haix.
and is it just me, or do you consider me as your competitor more than a fren?
i dont know.
i just feel super defensive whenever you say or do sth.
felt it like quite some time ago.
but it was super mild.
then slowly, it gets stronger.
is it just me? or is it really true?
it gets weirder whenever im with you.
i feel as if its always a competition.
hms.
argh.
maybe its just me.
maybe im paranoid.
but..
ohwels.
dont care.
or maybe i do.
eh damns.
tday i cant be bothered abt the board inside le.
too sian.
moreover, the choir inside the room again.
so i cant possibly be doing the board while they havin prac right?
went home lor.
then now nv do anything, i feel super gek again.
cz if im not occupied, il start thinkin.
and i feel like dumpin the matters at one side.
dont even want to think abt things.
hms.
maybe im tired ba.
i think il go nap aft bloggin.
then wake up and do PW research.
then watch inuyasha.
hms.
just sth that i feel now.
sudd dont feel like talkin to ppl and have any connections with the world.
argh.
i wna lock myself up in a room and die there or sth.
okok.
think il go nap soon.
im havin all sorts of weird thots.
maybe il feel better aft i slp.
mans.
everyday, i come home.
il look forward to bloggin.
cz..
this blog feels like an old fren.
like you dump anything to the blog, it takes everything.
it just quietly eats your thots and vomits them out when you publish.
maybe sometimes, we do need a fren like this.
just to listen to you rant.
when you finally stop, this fren will just tell you that,
"hey no worries alrite? need to rant can just come back to me again. anytime."
but, being humans, we dont do that.
we judge when ppl tell us things.
we listen to what they say, analyse what had been said, and make a conclusion abt their character.
wels, i can admit that i do that too.
but tell me, who doesnt?
thats why it takes time to find someone that you can really rant to.
and if you do, thats when the trust starts to build.
that sort of explains why you dont trust everyone you see.
hms.
argh.
what am i talkin abt?
damnits.
ignore me pls.
haix.
i think i really need the rest.
so many things to do, so little time.
are you out to destroy me or build me?
really dont want to say this but,
sometimes, i really suspect your motives.

mata atode..

haix..
since im alr at this comp, i may as well blog here.
waitin for ppl to send me pics of their instrus so i can put up on notice board.
hms.
notice boards..
ive been doing loads on the boards tday.
alrites.
blog abt tday.
woke up at 9am.
yea i set the alarm to wake me up at that time.
then was watchin kids central with my lil sis.
she was watchin this dont know what cartoon.
then it was abt this girl with pink hair who had to play her FRENCH HORN on a perf.
it was a duet with a TRUMPET.
oh, also got this another girl.
she was in the perf cz when she pulls her hair, it bounces back up with a "doinggg~~" sound.
-_-"
then the teacher says its a nice sound.
-_________-""
haha.
then on that day of the perf, the pink hair girl was in a rush then she forgot to take her horn.
so she went to sch and asked one of the band guys if she could borrow his horn.
then the guy took out the mouthpiece and asked her,
"do you have your own mouthpiece to play on?"
then he buzzed on the mouthpiece.
the girl was like, "noo~".
the guy replied, "then im not gna lend you. there will be germs."
-_-"
wah diaos!
haha.
then she decided to find a substitute.
she went to the cafeteria and saw pickles.
she thought that the word "piccolo" sounds like "pickles" so she took a pickle and played it like shes playin a piccolo at the rehersal.
-_-""
the teacher was like, "the pickle definitely doesnt sound like a piccolo. and besides, you were supposed to play the french horn!"
haha.
its really farnie cz they got the english accent.
oh,
i was pretty impressed by this cartoon cz they really drew out all the slides of the double horn.
not like other cartoons that only draw the circle with the bell.
haha.
ohwels.
then i had to go out so i dont know whats the endin.
dad fetched me to the mrt station.
waited a while for kok to get the keys frm him.
found out that he and yongde gg to swim.
wahlao.
they two arh.. swimmin addicts.
haha.
alrites.
so i walked to sch.
when i was reachin the gate, there was this lil indian girl who came to me and told me,
"i need to go to the toilet. i need to poo poo."
erms..
haha.
at that point of time i was wondering where i cld bring her to "poo poo".
haha.
then i rmbered that im just outside sch so i brought here to the sch toilet.
offered to carry her bag for her, then i brought her to the toilet next to the tennis courts.
then when walkin there, i keep askin her if she was okay lar.
cz she din look okay to me.
ahah.
then when she was done, i sent her to the gate.
she very cute lar.
she told me that she was from yangzheng pri and shes p2 now.
then told me her name, which i obviously dont rmb.
told me her sis's name.
and do you think il even catch that? haha.
told me that she is havin some tamil class in sch now at 11pm.
and she asked me for my name.
hahah.
so cute.
but hor, she told me that her mum nv give her money tday.
then i was like, erms.
nv reply her but was thinkin, "sorry arh, that i cant hlp you."
anws, yea.
aft she left, i went back to the band room.
at abt 10.45am lidat.
oh i met carol ang.
she came back to do PW.
haha.
which reminds me, i have to do mine tmr..
hms.
was doing so happily lar.
eh, not too happily, but anws!
then at abt 12.15pm lidat.
a choir person came into the room and told me that they were havin prac.
at 1pm - 4pm.
then i was like, okayy.
so i left the room lor.
cont doing at the canteen.
then tan weiming appeared.
talked to him!
then he left to mug.
sudd, i heard sunyu callin me and someone tickled me frm behind!
whoa! i screamed.
:/
haha.
realised it was sunyu and priya lar.
and yea, priya tickled me.
thanks arh thanks.
haha.
they came back to do PW also.
then talked abit, and they had to go back cz their "lunch break" was over.
haha.
so i moved my stuff and joined them at the atrium.
at another table lar.
cont doing my stuff while eavesdroppin on their grp.
haha.
then lian fei very irritatin can!
i told him il throw my file into his face.
ahah.
everytime sun yu has a msg, her phone will go, "you have a msg."
everytime, lianfei will imitate.
wahlao.
haha.
then there was this part that sun yu had 2 msgs.
so lianfei said, "you have a msg, you have a msg."
-_-"
wah diaos diaos diaos!
then i keep tellin them dont digress also.
cz they keep ended up talkin crap.
haha.
i was half jokin lar.
and poh came down to talk to us lar!
mans.
she has that :/ voice again.
argh.
ahah.
anws, i was doing and joann came along.
haha.
she helped me write the "teachers in charge", "conductors", "executive committee", "sectional leaders" and "announcement"!
haha.
thanks joann!
cz my big handwriting very ugly.
:/
helped me with the glitter treble clef too!
haha.
thanks joann!
then qui fong also got visit me.
mingmin also.
ahha.
oh i dropped by the band room now and then.
then i realised that the choir had been displaced by the piano ppl.
wahlao.
then i saw this guy who had a violin.
and he was playin on the vibraphone!
so i went in and i stare at him.
scrutinize him so obviously that he knows im glarin at him.
then he still throw the mallets on the vibra!!!!
IDIOT YOU!
mans.
but i din say ath cz i thot, you know, dont be so what lar.
maybe he got the msg le.
then the next time i went into the room,
I SAW HIM OPEN OUR CUPBOARDS!!!!!!!!!!
I WANTED TO WALK UP TO HIM AND SLAP HIS FACE AND CRUSH HIM INTO A BALL AND FLUSH HIM DOWN THE TOILET I TELL YOU!
but.
me a girl mar.
how can so rough de.
=X
haha.
jkjk..
more like i dont dare to.
ahha.
so i gave him a GREAT BIG STARE again.
then he pretended nothin happened and walked to a chair.
IDIOT I TELL YOU.
if i see you doing that again im so gna go up to you and scold you in the face.
anws,
haha.
sudden change of mood.
i walked into the band room again to get sth.
then another choir person asked me if i wanted to do my hw in the band room.
i was like, "huh? im doing the noticeboards."
??
they seem like they were havin some meetin.
hms.
joann left aft she hlped me with the treble clef.
then i saw that it was 5.30pm.
mans!
i was doin the notice board for straight 6 and an half hours!
didnt stop at all!
time passed so quickly!
haha.
oh my.
so i decided to pack up.
went back to the room cz i saw that no one was there.
then when i walked in, i saw bags.
bags of the choir ppl.
wahlao.
i was like, where did they go to?
still tell me that they end at 4pm.
anws, i packed up my things and locked the room up.
when i walked out at abt 6pm, i saw the choir ppl PLAYIN BASKETBALL AT THE COURT.
wahlaos!
i was so pist lar!
you dont need the room then dont kope the room!
wahlao.
i need leh!
haha.
okok.
nvms.
not a big matter.
i finished 4/5 of the board outside.
left the treble clef and the names.
hms.
still got the other board.
but that one mostly pics lar.
erms..
walked to serangoon mrt station.
then i saw this indian girl that grinned at her elder sis when she saw me.
hms.
no wonder.
haha.
i think is that lil girl frm the aftnn.
ohwels.
at least i made an impact on ppl's lives.
ahha.
its amazin how i can spend so much time alone tday.
cz im not too much of an "alone"-person.
haha.
maybe cz i was occupied all the time ba.
and there were random ppl that i knw who were sittin near me also lar.
oh tmr have to open the band room early and do the notice boards and meet mr neo and do PW.
whoa.
packed day.
workin and occupying myself keeps my mind off things.

mata ne..

its sunday again.
time flies really fast.
hms.
tday's haze condition is alot better.
saw from alvin OGL's nick.
PSI is 36?
hms.
gdgd.
haha.
alvin like some newspaper or some weatherman lidat lar!
so cute.
haha.
yes yes.
OG12's cute OGL eh?
ahaha.
hms..
tday went church.
yea.
samuel came to church.
he nv really change much i guess.
ohwels!
good that he is accomplishing alot of things in his life.
mans..
so li hai.
haha.
oh, went to buy some noticeboard stuff tday at popular.
took a long time tryin to get the colour combi.
mans.
i hope it doesnt turn out to be too horrid.
:/
tmr gettin band room key from kok.
then il go over to sch to get started on the two boards.
hms.
dont think il be able to complete them tmr tho.
still need to wait for the photos.
and i hope i dont screw up the board.
mans.
later ppl come for open house then if the board damn ugly il be damn embarrassed lar.
ahha.
hope the colour combi is alrite!
really.
very scared.
then i still wna stand out frm the choir and piano noticeboards lar.
mans..
haha.
alrite alrite.
its just two notice boards.
i shant make such a big fuss out of this.
hms.
thinkin abt stuff again..
mans.
was i ever so confused before?
cz i really feel like my mind is breakin from thinkin le lar..
my brain cells alr all killed by the promos le..
:/
ehh.. promos..
i dont wna screw up..
i mean, who does?
haix.
but im really worried lehh.
hmms.
oh mervyn msged alot of times to all of us lar.
actually tmr got class outing de.
then cancel.
cz too lil ppl go le.
hms.
my class is just not bonded i guess.
aiya, what can i do?
oh mr neo wants to see me?
why?
mans.
and the ppl that he called for..
hms.
made me really curious.
eh keep me in suspense.
damns.
oh got PW.
was on mon but postponed to tues cz of the outing.
but now outin cancel le.
then dont know if its still on mon or tues.
aiya.
later call naz and ask again.
or see whether she will be online anot.
hms.
my sis hor..
takin exam like not takin lidat.
she can walk around as per normal de leh.
like nothin's coming up or ath.
she not even anxious de lor.
mans.
some times im really worried abt her studies.
but what can i do?
she doesnt listen to me de.
ohwels.
hms.
i wonder why a few things can really bother me so much.
ehh.
think of notice boards.
that one more impt.
haix.
i hate multitaskin.
oh yea.
i haven blogged abt the story behind my current blog midi and the lyrics yet.
the lyrics there --->
hms.
remind myself to blog abt it.
ah crap.
this is such a random entry.

mata ne..

tiring day.
very.
and the haze is, :/
just simply irritating me.
went for band prac in the morn.
hms.
my horn doesnt seem to be as heavy as it used to be.
ahha.
dont ask me why.
ive got no idea.
whoa tday i cldnt play lar!
so long nv play le!
mans.
all the high notes cannot pitch.
tskk.
haha.
played instant concert and shrek dance party tday.
is prac for open house lar.
yea..
hms.
then aft band prac, we all went to eat lunch at pizza hut.
regi and me shared a pasta!
yea mans.
and garlic bread.
hms.
got really distracted by whats happenin now..
cz everything is gettin so complicated le.
then its so hard to solve cz..
i also dont know how to say..
haix.
just can say that, we all meet all sorts of different ppl in our lives i guess.
hms.
im not too sure if you know what it is.
dont really think so.
and you are not making much sense eh..
hmms.
and wahlao.
dont tell me..
mans.
i know.
i suspected last time but i threw it aside.
cz you know, like, cannot be lar..
but now, even the simplest things cant be saved.
its gone.
really.
hmms.
tday is a thotful day for me.
like, again.
yar i know.
keep thinkin abt alot of things.
then mind drift frm here to there then..
argh.
can tell that im not concentrating.
my this entry also super random lar..
like this topic, then sudd another topic, then jump another place again.
haha.
hms.
i dont know lar.
and i sudd thot..
eh i dont wna lose my frens.
i dont want to.
really.
not a single one of them.
esp those who were my close frens..
haix.
really.
sometimes, ive really so much to say, but not a single word comes out of my mouth.
keepin things to myself works really well you knows.
ahha.
cz its like, nothin will happen if you dont say ath.
okayy you might argue that life wont improve if you dont go an make your thots known.
you wont be able to achieve somethings.
but.
look at it this way.
you wont make mistakes, you wont take risks.
you are always in your comfort zone.
yea, life wont improve alrite.
but life wont be too bad!
see?
to me, i feel that the security of not makin mistakes outweighs the extra happiness that you get if you go and achieve what you want.
aiya, dont know lar.
why am i sayin this?
haha.
the random-ness has gotten into me.
eh.
haha.
talkin to samuel now!
whoa!
he super pro!
told me that he stopped studies in nafa.
then he gg army soon.
and he told me..

samuelyau. says:
i was in uk in august..and a principal of a conservatoire asked me to join the school..which only accepts 7 students only

samuelyau. says:
so..it's either i go there..or Netherlands

samuelyau. says:
see how..2 years later

whoa!!!
cool sia!
sooooo pro!
gna be conductor next time!
ahha.
then i told him, "so funn lar! can stand in front of the orchestra and scold ppl!"
=X
haha.
ohwels.
and he is coming to church tmr!
mans.
so long nv see him le!
so happy for him.
:D
haha.
haix.
ohwels.
i dont know what to do.
im super confused.
super mixed up.
with many many things.
haix.
better dont think so much.
first things first.
i need to complete the noticeboard before open house next fri.
hms.
shit.
ive got lesser time than i think.
damns.
haix.
think i better dont stay here for too long.
later i rant non stop.

mata ne..

the haze arhh..
think tday the PSI is 80+ arh.
man.
argh.
we are tryin to air condition the house now.
ahaha.
cz it really stinks.
-pinches nose-
eh, tday alot of things to blog.
ahaha.
so i shant talk crap.
alrite.
woke up this morn at 7.07am act.
then i hurry told my mum that i watchin movie with my frens tday.
luckily she allowed.
so i went back to slp.
then at abt 8.50 lidat.
she called me lar.
then ask me whether want to go to the newly opened coffee shop to eat.
the koufu there lar.
so okay lor.
i washed up then i went.
ahah.
then met my mum and dad there to eat breakfast.
so long nv eat with them le.
so sit there and eat and talk crap.
really like very long nv talk to them lidat.
cz recently keep gg to sch to mug,
then leave home early, go home late.
hms.
yea, it was okayy ba.
then when i came home, hlped my mum check sth online then i played my horn with the music lar.
played american elegy and was starting on danse when kok came to talk to me online.
hhaha.
at that time was like, 11.25am i think.
then we were supposed to meet at 12.30pm.
we still talkin online wor.
whoops.
haha.
i know.
tracy will say, "no wonder you guys are late."
haha.
okay lar.
actually also not very late.
was there at 12.40pm.
cz we waited for that brave tea aka yong teh aka yongde!
haha.
okok.
i told kok online to wear that purple t-shirt that we gave him on his bdae!
haha.
anws, i left house at abt 11.55am lidat.
so took lrt, then the NEL.
when i was at srngn, kok called me and asked where i was.
so happened he was at potong pasir station,
then he boarded at the same train lor.
and he wore that purple shirt!
surprisingly, or not surprisingly,
the shirt fit him!
we thot the sleeves mite be a lil short for him.
cz we measured, that time, on shi and the sleeve was just right for shi mar.
thinkin that kok got broader shoulders, maybe mite not fit him.
but it did!
haha.
gdgd.
we din waste our money.
haha.
anws, when we reached dhoby ghaut, i gave tracy a call.
told her to wait for us for a while at the ctrl station there cz we waitin for yongde at the mrt there.
he came frm harbourfront cz he go there and chop some passport thing for the army de.
we gg thailand at the end of the year mar.
then must inform army.
yea.
so abt like, 5 mins aft we reached, yongde came.
yay!
so we went up to find tracy!
mans!
she was there at 12.25pm or earlier lar!
so paiseh!!
:/
yea we reached at 12.40pm.
then tracy told us that her fren, amanda will be joinin us and she is bringin another fren.
amanda?
haha.
yea, rice's classmate for first three months.
yar the cute girl!
ahha.
okok.
then shes bringin this guy along called derrick.
frm ny also.
then we were like, which derrick..
ahah.
alrite.
then we went to buy tix first then went to ljs to eat.
they went to eat.
then amanda came.
alamak.
she dont recognise me.
ahha.
so maybe im not that AA aftall.
:P
hahah.
okok.
anws, yea.
her fren, derrick,
wahlao.
guess who?
MY GP CLASSMATE.
wah pengz.
the world is small like crap.
haha.
and at ljs, think tracy and amanda saw their sec sch classmate.
eh, and kok's pri sch classmate with them.
whoaaa..
singapore is way too small.
anws, we finished eatin le then went up to the cinema to watch "you, me and dupree".
the show not bad lehh!
ahha.
quite farnie.
then keep laughing.
comedy lar.
but it has a very profound meaning embedded into the storyline.
eh, "embedded" reminds me of inuyasha and the shikon shards embedded into the enemy's skin.
haha. super random.
ANWS,
yes.
think the story was pretty nice..
esp the ending.
its like, you see the love btwn the two frens, esp from dupree, and also the love btwn the couple.
like super sweet lar!
see arh, the main lead, carl, has this good fren.
then in the show, he went thru some tough times of his life.
and i really mean tough.
it turned his whole life upside down.
then dupree was there to hlp him when his life was at its lowest point!
he encouraged, he motivated, he even forgave his best fren when carl maligned him and was so understanding!
and he took actions to hlp his fren when he was in need.
mans!
so touching lar!
i really dont know how to say.
but he is one good fren.
it wld be sooo lucky to have a fren like him.
so so so lucky.
then hor, carl's wife, molly,
said sth in the end.
she said sth like, "no matter how bad life can be, we will go thru tgt. and dont you EVER walk out on me."
cz carl left house for a night.
haha.
OH MY!
SOOOO SWEET!
hahha.
mans!
im really very envious of carl lar!
like, the bestest fren ever and the bestest wife.
ahha.
okok.
not like i want to get a wife.
but you get my point!
haha.
altho he's a fictional character, but ohwels!
OH OH.
then there was this part, dupree was teachin the neighbourhood kids baseball.
he was tellin this guy how to pitch the ball.
then that guy was like, "i dont play sports, im in an orchestra!"
kok, yongde and me was like, "ehhh. what a direct insult."
haha.
then later in the show, we found out that the guy plays a FLUTE!
hahhahaha!
-pats kok on the shoulders-
thats an even MORE direct insult to kok.
hahaha!
so farnie.
anws, aft the show, tracy, amanda and derrick left first to meet their fren.
yeps.
oh before the show, we got make fun of kok and anna.
but guess what?
derrick and anna same class!
ahah!
oh yar hor!
they two frm 0622 de!
ahhaha.
mans!
so farnie.
anws, they left lar.
then left kok, yongde and me.
so chest act msged us and asked us whether wna go play lan anot.
shi also wanted to join.
oh shi told me that he met regi at chinatown lar!
ahah.
anws,
so i was like, "you all go play lar. nvms, i dont wna play."
but somehow, yongde told chest to play tgt tmr.
so yea.
then we went to yamaha to drool at the instrus.
haha.
again. i know.
then we saw daryl!
he was with his class i think.
haha.
talked abit then we all parted our own ways.
so off kok, yongde and me went.
and we roamed and drifted around PS.
went to spotlight.
then sunyu called me.
she was with xinrong mar.
told me cant find wallet but found this soft toy or sth lidat.
ask me wna buy anot.
then i was like, ehh.. not much money left eh.
ahha.
then called me again and asked me whether want to buy watch anot.
then i was like, "ehhh.." again.
haha.
when they really found a wallet,
it was the exorcism of emily rose or sth lidat, the wallet.
then i was like, "isnt that supposed to be a horror movie?"
she was like yea..
"but she dont look scary on the wallet lehh."
!!!
what?!
thats not the point.
the point is that, its a horror movie!
so scaree!
ahaha.
so i told them that i din want.
mans.
sorry girls..
im very scared of these stuff de.
:/
haha.
anws, kok, yongde and me decided to go macs and eat ice cream and talk crap.
so yea.
off we went.
bought mcflurry and we sat outside and eat.
and stone.
ahha.
feel so paiseh lar.
actually the guys are stayin cz i got church at 8 lidat then i have to leave at 7.
then abit stupid to go home at 5 plus and come out again.
so they decided to pei me.
but aft eatin, we ended up gg home also.
so yea.
ahha.
sorry arh guys.
:/
haha.
thanks for pei-ing.
:)
so by the time i reached home, it was 6.30pm lidat.
i went to slp for 1 hour then have to come out again cz go church.
then the same thing.
take lrt, then NEL.
wahlao.
im super sick of NEL le lar!
keep takin it.
like almost everyday lar!
esp during the muggin period.
tskk.
haha.
so go to church to attend the chi dept meetin.
they talked abt forgiveness.
on Matthew 18:21, 22.
'21 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?"
22 Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven (seventy times seven) times.'
hms..
was thinking abt it..
to forgive is not gna be easy isit?
but i am gna do it with the hlp of God.
yes.
i will and had alr forgiven all my frens and family!
:)
haha.
alrites.
then i came home and here i am bloggin.
oh oh.
i dropped my pouch when i was on the train to dhoby ghaut lar.
mans.
i din realise lar!
kok din see also!
mans.
haha.
ohwels.
mum just complained this morn that it was dirty.
then now lost le, she wont complain le.
haha.
hms.
which means i have to go buy another one.
mans..
waste of money.
haix.
haha.
whoa.
long entry for one long day.
tmr got band at 9am.
and its 1.20am le.
mans.
i better go slp le.
oh yar!
i need to get the measurements for the notice board.
mans!
and the uniform!
alamak!
-slaps forehead-
okok.
i think i better go slp le lar.
tmr need to work.
ahha.
eatin lunch with the bandits again!
haha.
shit.
i hate luggin my instru to sch.

jya ne..