ytd was jiaheng's bdae.
HAPPY BELATED BDAE JIAHENG!
wow~ many ppl's bdae today!
HAPPY BDAE YEESAM!
HAPPY BDAE WEECHONG!
HAPPY BDAE CHYE KEONG!
=D
attempted a birthday surprise.
but really screwed up eh.
ahha.
but aiyas, its just a bdae celebration.
so we got a cake for weechong and chye keong.
:/
hmms.
many times, when we dont like sth that happened to us, we tend to blame others for it.
but we often failed to realise that we are the ones who inflicted those problems upon ourselves.
we failed to ask ourselves what have we done to cause tht problem.
we failed to reflect.
for example, maybe i felt that the ppl around me were distancing from me.
and i thot, maybe these ppl dont care at all.
when actually, its cz i was becoming frustrated more easily and it irritates ppl.
wel, who cares whether i have got a reason to be frustrated or not.
the fact is that i am harder to interact with and my reactions irk ppl.
and ppl often just look at the surface of a problem and reacts quickly to it.
thats human reaction, we cant blame that.
but of cz, that does not give us an excuse to ignore the feelings of the ppl around us.
wel, it depends on your point of view i guess.
hm.
i passed a full maths paper for the first time in my jc life!
probably due to the fact that its a stats paper and its easier compared to our school papers.
=)
and prelims begin from tmr.
gp paper.
i know we can all do it.
=)
oh and another 3 korean missionaries are being released.
my Lord is omnipotent.
=D
ehs.
got to go.
arghs.
dont keep snapping at me whenever you feel like it.
i can only tolerate to a certain extent.


mata ne..

=)
huhs.
i am selective of what i hear and see.
very selective.
explaining too much of myself to others.
as quoted before,
people who dont like you wont believe your explanation.
people who like you dont need one.
of cz, on the other hand, we shouldnt take these statements to the extremes.
oh gosh.
shut up, gloria! shut up!


mata ne..

oh my gosh oh my gosh OH MY GOSH!
if you guys havent read the newspaper today (25.08.2007),
GO AND TAKE IT OUT NOW!
and take out the 'saturday' section.
GO AND TAKE OUT NOW!
I DEMAND YOU TO DO THAT.
you know why?
cz on the cover page is MY PRIMARY 5 AND 6 FORM TEACHERR!!!!
AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
hahahahah.
mrs tan cheh hia!
oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh!
she rocks the world man!
she is one of the finalists for the president's award for teachers!!!!
WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
idol~~~~~!!!!!!!!!!
HAHAHAHA.
oh mans i feel so happy for her!
wah!!!!
i feel like jumping up and down for her!!!!
MRS TAN YOU'RE THE GREATEST MANS!
=DDDDDDDD
ahhh!!!!
my psle results is all thanks to her, really.
now that im reminded of her, all my pri sch memories comes back!
WAH MRS TAN WAS SOOOOOOOOOOOOO NICEE!!!!
then she always, "girls.."
hahahaha.
i can still hear her voice say that!
and last time she parks her car in the netball court there.
yea it was still the old sch building.
until now i still rmb her car plate number you know!
hahaha.
then there was once i sprained my ankle in sch after PE i think.
and then she fetched me home!
wahhhhh!
i miss mrs tan!
that time we were in the EM1 class mar.
so after we left, mrs tan asked to take an EM3 class.
=)
SHES SO NICE!
i still can imagine her talk!
i still rmb all her lessons!
hahaha.
OH MANS SHES THE GREATEST.
ahah.
i can feel the excitement!
=DD
hahah.
i cant believe it.
and she looks the same!
hahaha.
i rmb in sec 2 or 3 i had to write a jap compo on my favourite teacher and i actually wrote about her.
FLIP TO PAGE 2 OF THE NEWSPAPER!
there also got her stuff!
mrs tan rocks mans!
:D
and shes damn cute too!
hahhaha.
when i showed my parents the newspaper, they were like, "ayye? isnt that your teacher?"
then my mum was like, "last time you say she's very good. wah now she get award leh!"
hahaha.
=D
yea mans!
today is full of surprises.
in the afternoon i went to sign up for the crash course with grace.
i signed up for phys while she signed up for econs.
ehh. so il be alone going for the crash course.
=(
ahsun says its better to be alone cz can concentrate better.
but i still feel the insecurity leh.
haha.
okay nvms.
anws, after that, grace and me walked to PS and we walked around there cz grace's tuition havent start yet.
then when we walked past yamaha, i saw this bunch of st anthony canossian's band girls.
and i realised that they had a performance.
when i looked into the room, i saw someone familiar.
then i walked over to the glass window and i waved.
hahaha.
it was mr dennis sim.
what a coincidence!
so we exchanged a few words.
he asked me, "how are you doing?"
then i was like, "lidat lor. studying. got exams."
and i told him that i just signed up for a crash course.
then he sighed and he said, "you guys study too much le."
hahaha.
see lar.
even other ppl can tell that we have no life.
haha.
nvms.
studying is my life now.
after As, it will all be well.
=)
alrites.
got to go back and draw my summary table.
oh btw, ytd was the last official day of sch.
cz after prelims, it wld be all lectures and only lectures.
=/
oh mans.
il miss tutorials and all my cute teachers.
=)
haha.
alrite.
gtg.
I DEMAND YOU TO GO READ TODAY'S NEWSPAPER! =D


mata ne..

my reaction is not very fast today.
my mind not working too quickly.
ms teng says im a deflated balloon.
=)
haha.
alrite i need slp badly.
:/
i just caught this phrase off summerland ytd.
suspicion is a self fulfilling prophesy.
i think its quite true, well, to a certain extent.
like, lets say, i suspect that you hate me.
when you dont.
but since i thot that you hate me, il start acting weird, cz i am afraid that i might offend you.
and il definitely keep a distance.
and since i act weird, you will think that i had changed, and you will really start disliking me, thinking, "whats up with gloria recently? shes getting more and more irritating."
and we fall into a vicious cycle, and we cant get out of it, cz neither of us knows whats going on in each other's minds.
then the whole thing becomes a misunderstanding, and we will lose the ppl and things around us in a very stupid way.
misunderstandings.
they have the ability to kill friendships that were meant to last.
beware, seriously.
hmms.
deborah randomly called me today to ask me if i wna share a teachers' day card for seetow sensei and endo sensei.
haha.
i miss deborah alot.
i miss the long journey home with her from moelc.
i miss mugging on the bus with her in the morning when we go sch.
i miss waiting for her.
i miss speaking jap with her.
i miss listening to all her jap popstars stuff.
i miss her lame jokes.
i miss her cuteness.
i miss her innocence.
i miss watching her act in all the chinese drama productions back in sec sch.
ahhhhh..
shit.
i suddenly miss her so much!
we wanted to go out tgt and eat after Os had ended.
but that day never came.
now have to wait till after As.
=(
deborah i miss you so much!
デボラさんはいなくて、私は寂しいです！
-huggs-
haha.
okok.
haiya i dont know what to do with myself.
if this colour clashes with every other colour, then there must be sth wrong with this colour, and there is a need to take out that colour from the picture.
i am going for phys crash course :/


mata ne..

-shruggs-
i wna break free.
tearing me up!!


mata ne..

was watching random episodes of summerland from youtube.
cz i saw a youtube video on high school musical 2.
then i link link link to summerland.
wel, its by zac efron, and yea thats how i linked to that show.
its a series i suppose.
watching random episodes gave me a gist of that story.
it makes me sad cz everything looks so ideal in that show.
even the problems faced by the characters seemed so made up.
when everyone lives happily ever after.
we know that things are not that simple in real life.
oh whatever.
i am a slacker.
haix.
neverminds.
"you are never alone."
how many times have we heard that?
how much truth does it hold?
i cant believe i still have to deal with these kind of probs even at this age.
and i thot these things only happen back when we were much younger.
maybe i have changed.
maybe the mind's working abit more.
when you know that the kettle's hot, you will not touch it again on purpose with your bare hands.
cz you dont want to be hurt again.


mata ne..

exhaustion.
its getting more tiring by the day.
but this is the last week of sch.
yea it will be my motivation.
of cz, i miss lots of things.
all the lectures, tutorials, hot weather, lessons that are so absolutely dry and mundane..
and il miss spotting all the ppl in sch.
saying hi to the ppl i meet along the way.
wel, 天下无不散之宴席。
guess everyone of us will have to leave each other at some point of time and move on with our lives.
going our own separate ways.
when will we then learn to treasure the ppl around us?
when will we learn to treasure the times that we have?
when will we treasure the relationships that we have with each other?
when will we learn to respect each other so that relationships wouldnt be so tensed?
hmms.
every individual would have experienced others calling them names throughout their lifetime.
but those names are the most harmless when they are called right into that person's face.
cz it gives that person a choice as to whether or not he will allow himself to be called by that nickname.
and when names are intentionally called behind a person's back, wel, i would say its pretty offending.
shouldnt human relationships, no matter how good or bad they are, be built on mutual trust and respect?
when will ppl start to think abt the ppl around them?
when will ppl be less selfish and more kind to the ppl around them?
why shld we make each other's lives so difficult when it is already not easy for anyone of us in the first place?
why should we push our luck and see how much each other can tolerate and only take one step back when the volcano erupts?
many of us are very insensitive to the feelings of the ppl around us.
perhaps i am like that.
maybe thts why ppl hate me.
oh what the hell.
what have i done to deserve that?
have i offended you guys in any way?
i hardly tapped your shoulders.
i hardly crossed your paths.
why is there a need to make the lives of the ppl around you so much harder?
i am not afraid of the name.
i am afraid of the intentions behind that name.
i would have laughed it off with you guys if there were no intentions behind it, like the way i laughed it off with others.
i can feel the sarcasm.
i can tell from the tone and the way ppl phrased their words.
ghosts or spirits are not scaree.
its the humans that are scaree.
its the intentions behind our every action that are really scaree.
who can guard our mind and our intentions except ourselves?
neverminds.
go on.
if you guys hate me, just say.
i will move as far away from you all as possible so that i dont offend any one of you in any way.
everything is ending anws.
but i still dont get it.
why should we find our happiness in the misery of others?
will that make any of our lives any better?
irony.
the pot calling the kettle black.
are we in a competition to see who is more childish?
oh gees.
neverminds.
i hate today.
haix.
wel, i am not so sure if i like that way of solving problems.
ohwels.
eh.
i failed my GP.
haix.
a reminder for myself.
Matthew 7:3-5.
"³Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? ⁴How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? ⁵You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye."
haix.
lost faith in ppl.
even animals, when driven into a corner, will retaliate violently.


mata ne..

oh come on, lets grow up.
its not a competition.
oh mans. haix.
Don't you ever wish you were someone else,
You were meant to be the way you are exactly.
Don't you ever say you don't like the way you are.
When you learn to love yourself, you're better off by far.
And I hope you always stay the same,
cuz there's nothin' 'bout you I would change.
eh.. blogged this song before.
its "stay the same" by joey mcintyre.
the lyrics are quite nice, but i dont really like the tune.
hmm..
how many ppl have actually told you that they appreciate you for who you are?
many ppl are always trying to change those around them, such that things will work the way they want it to be.
but we have often yet to realise that we should learn to accept ppl for who they are.
especially when the things that they do are not wrong.
lets take a committee for an example.
in a committee, its abt working tgt.
not trying to change someone jz bcz his/her working style doesnt suit you.
instead, we shld be finding ways to work with each other, such that each of our abilities and personalities complement each other.
this is when an efficient committee is born.
even when interacting w ppl, we cant constantly request for ppl to work or behave the way we want them to be.
sometimes, we do get reactions that we dislike, but wel, i guess we hv to take things as it is ba.
haix.
stress level is high, ppl get bad tempered more quickly.
hmm i think ms teng saw me running across the street on friday.
then she msged me and she said,
"Gloria, why are not you at home and still roaming in the street?"
wah haha.
ms teng is scaree.
oh and i cut my hair on sunday.
hmm, btw, sunday's worship was good.
uncle william was the worship leader.
then the songs that he led were the songs that i quite like.
haha.
here's one of them.


Hallelujah to the Lamb


Lord I stand in the midst of a multitude
Of those from every tribe and tongue
We are Your people redeemed by Your blood
Rescued from death by Your love
There are no words
Good enough to thank You
There are no words to express my praise
But I will lift up my voice
And sing from my heart
With all of my strength


Hallelujah hallelujah hallelujah
To the Lamb
Hallelujah hallelujah
By the blood of Christ we stand
Every tongue, every tribe
Every people, every land
Giving glory, giving honor
Giving praise unto the Lamb of God


Lord we stand by grace in Your presence
Cleansed by the blood of the Lamb
We are Your children called by Your name
Humbly we bow and we pray
Release Your power
To work in us and through us
Till we are changed
To be more like You
Then all the nations will see
Your glory revealed
And worship You
Every knee shall bow
Every tongue confess
That You are Lord of all


Giving praise unto the Lamb of God
Giving praise unto the Lamb of God
Jesus Christ Lamb of God


oh btw, this news is pretty old, but, 2 korean missionaries were released by the taliban.
=)
haha.
alrites.
gees.
if i am still a pain in the neck, or a splinter under the skin that hurts so badly, let me know.
anyone, just speak up.
il remove myself at once.


mata ne..

PHOTOS!
these are those that i havent uploaded for a very long time.
photos from kok's bdae will be uploaded another day!

this is the flower that liying gave me on the day of the yck concert.
thanks me dear jnr!
=)

theophila is so adorable.
haha.
in church!

bethia and theophila!

bethia, theophila and luke!
ah kids are damn cute.
next up, OG outing cum grace's bdae celebration!

i took this photo!
this is taken with grace's digicam.
can see the obvious difference between my hp and her cam eh.
=(

grace and yeesam shared this drink.
but damn big.
in the end they cannot finish.
haha.
look!
its height is double the length of rice's palm!

tee1 and tee 2!
=D

oohhh grace with the hat.
haha.
bdae celebration at fish and co is fun but embarrassing!

we insisted that grace eat her cake without using a fork.

those ppl who turned up for OG outing!
eh, less than half the OG eh.
from top left, kiaseng, kaihua.
middle row, me, mj, jacq OGL.
first row from left, yeesam, grace, rice.

guess what?
kaihua drew this himself.
O.O
haha.
he's so li hai!
as quoted from him, it is "waterproof, soap proof, detergent proof, but not thinner proof."
-_-"

rice looks damn emo here.
haha.
aiya my hand shook when i took this pic.

grace's favourite torto toy thing.

from left: me, yeesam, grace, mj.

grace is damn kawaii can.
haha.

i took this to rmb the height difference between me and kiaseng.
haha.
everytime i see him il keep complaining that he is too tall.
=X

yay!
this is aunty serene's baby, dan!
he is so damn adorable!!!
ahh i love kids!

i bought these flowers for weechong and douglas for their concert.
damns!
i love those flowers so much cz they look so absolutely pretty!

i sat elmo on nazrin's shoulder.
haha.
this was taken during the national day celebration concert.
out of boredom.
haix.
next up, yeesam's bdae celebration!


yeesam look so blur at times.
hahaa.

we never fail to celebrate each other's bdae.
=)
rice left early cz he got SOMETHING ON.
hahahaa.

heehee.
my dog sun tanning on my parents' room window.
haha.
no lar.
my mum washed him and was dryin him on her window.
he's so cute!
next up, trip to the beach!

break of dawn?

can you see the troughs and crests in the distance?
physics.
=/

seeing my sis is like seeing my past replaying before my eyes.
haha.
i used to build sandcastles too.

yay!
my two mei mei and me!
with my physics guide book in my hands.
i went to the beach to study cann.
haha.

me two mei mei and the big ship.

bethia's sandcastle!
or more like, my mum's sandcastle.
haha.
think my mum did most of the work lo.

bethia insisted that i take a picture of her ultraman cushion.
Zzz.

yupps.
2/3lw trying to occupy themselves during physics practical.
haha.
okay thats all.
alrite.
back to work.


mata ne..

whee~
today is kokwey's bdae!!
HAPPY BDAE KOK!!! :)
smile~~ =))
hahaha.
wel, today was quite interesting.
in the morning, end up never go for GP cz i thot i shld mug for my phys instead.
then went for econs.
and after that, weechong and me met up with mingkwang, derek, chuanxin and talked abit to them before the two of us went into action.
haha.
weechong's dad fetched weechong home and sent me to the serangoon mrt station.
so i went home and changed.
came out again and met weechong at compasspoint cz we wanted to buy cake for kok.
got the cake, and we went over to kovan to get a MINOSHE plastic bag to put kok's prez in.
wel in case anyone doesnt know, MINOSHE is the name of a BRA SHOP.
ahhaha.
okok.
we went back to sch, rewrapped the prez cz we wanted kok to have a harder time openin the prez and also to fit it into the minoshe plastic bag.
so we took away 2 layers of newspaper.
oh yea.
i had to wrap it into the shape of a ball cz weechong suggested it.
diao.
idiot him, give me such a hard time.
haha.
anws, then we passed clarence the cake and the prez and clarence, clement and yuxi went over there to claim our seats first.
haha.
clarence and weechong went to cafe cartel ytd to reserve the seats actually.
the other j1s went to doug's place to play mahjong first.
oh and weechong suddenly had this great idea to wrap the cardboard of the masking tape that we used with the leftover newspapers and make it the fake prez.
haha.
dots.
wel, at 6.25pm, regi called me and told me she cannot make it cz she had to go her aunt's house.
but she insisted that she should bring the digi cam to us.
(cz we wanted to borrow the cam from her.)
AHH REGI its alright actually.
but thanks alot for lending us the camera!
:)
oh btw, when i get all the pics out, il have an entry that will be full of pics!
haha.
oh then shi and me met up with kok.
but kok saw the jnrs at the bus stop!
ahhhhh busted.
:/
no lar i wasnt very irritated actually.
just damn wasted.
but may have sounded irritated cz there were so many things happening at the same time then i abit messed up.
weechong was getting the whipped cream, kok calling, clarence calling, regi calling to give the cam, calling the jnrs to ask them why they are so late!
:/
wah sorry guys!
didnt mean it.
=(
anws, met up with kok then he guessed it.
i tried to cover up but cmi!
then he say see shi and me he feel like laughing.
ZZzzzz.
diao.
haha.
okok.
reached serangoon gardens and we waited for shaoming and weechong who went to buy the whipped cream.
and i realised later that clarence managed to get it afterall.
haiyoo..
anws, when weechong and shaoming finally came, we blindfolded kok and put the crown on his head and walked him to cafe cartel.
the journey was quite fun.
haha.
ppl along the way were staring.
hahaha.
when we reached, we made him stand there and see how long will it take him to make him impatient and take off the blindfold himself.
but end up, he really stand there and wait for damn long.
goodness.
haha.
smeared his face and hair with whipped cream after he took off his blindfold!
wahsehs.
then the whipped cream is damn sweet that kind.
and it started melting and was flowing down his face.
ewww.
haha.
he went to wash up and we then took our orders.
hmm.
weechong brought eyeshadow and lipstick and clement and yuqing went to do make up on him!
wah~
sabo him until damn cham.
then yongde say kok tmr sure get pimples de.
haha.
all of us shared combo meals wor..
oh then we gave him the fake prez.
and he was like, -_-"
the jnrs also gave him the crumpler tht they bought him!
=)
oh, those who were there were, shi, shaoming, weechong, yongde, me, clarence, douglas, clement, yuxi, liying, selena, yuqing, eunice, weeting and of cz, the bdae boy kokwey.
after eating, we asked for the bdae cake and sang bdae song for him.
then we gave him the real bdae prez which was a zen stone plus.
haha.
cool right.
wels, hope you like your prezs kok!
after that, abit more jokes and crap, i had to go home.
they left a while after i left i think.
hmms.
wel, that was how everything went i guess.
a break from studies.
=)
haha.
KOK!
hope you enjoyed your day!
=D
yea you say alot of thank yous le.
most imptly is that, you have fun can le!
we all had fun!
haha.
and tmr's breakfast you can eat your sweet hair le.
hahaha.
okok.
time to go back to studies i guess.
prelims are coming in 12 days.
shit mans.
ohwels.
got to go slp le.
tmr got church.
it is enough for a day.
=)


mata ne..

today is HUA HUA'S bdae!!!!
HAPPY BDAE HUA HUA~~~
yay!
me son is ONE YEAR OLDER!
hahaha.
PLS DONT BE SIAN UNCLE!
:/
haha.
ohwels.
today is a damn boring day.
haix.
tmr got econs make up!!!!!!!!!!!!
GRRRRR...
RAWR.
RAHHHHH.
then going for gp also?!
mans.
so il better chiong homework today.
ehs.
im irritated by 2 ppl today.
come on lar.
if you made a mistake then just say sorry lar.
i mean, i wont hold it against you guys in the first place mar.
its such a small matter!
but, you dont COVER UP for yourself.
cz if you obviously made a mistake, its disgusting to try and cover up.
its really disgusting.
it actually shows so much abt you lor.
neverminds.
like i said, its not a big matter in the first place.
ohwels.
a continuation to ytd's analogy.
if you were to see that person drenched everytime it rains, cz she fails to learn from her lesson and to bring an umbrella, will you still share yours with her?
hmms.
i shall go back and study.


mata ne..

im tired.. again.
the weariness from ytd overflowed to today again.
haix.
anws, tday was a very maths day for me.
do alot of maths, keep seeing ms teng.
haha.
hmms.
haix.
some ppl can be so lucky to have so many ppl around who cares so much for them.
they are so pampered by the world and yet they fail to realise that.
maybe im like that too.
Man will never be satisfied with what they have.
there will always be this desire to possess more, to benefit more.
wel, i suppose thats why we are called humans and not anything else.
erms.. wel,
that day i overheard a friend's friends talking to her.
and i was like, when was the last time i heard those words?
it had been so long.
many do-it-yourself products have been appearing in markets in the recent decade.
maybe the goods that we buy everyday are also encouraging us to be independent and not rely on ppl to spoonfeed us.
but even so, an instruction booklet comes with the DIY products.
who wld know what to do if there is nothing to guide you along?
of cz, with ppl being more and more educated, figuring out yourself shldnt be too hard.
but, who knows.
you might just get a cut here, or a splinter there, and maybe even hit the hammer on your fingernail.
hmm.
seriously, i think everyone lacks a listening ear.
now and then, we wld encounter ppl who wld be so kind to lend us theirs and allowing us to vent our feelings.
humans are collective animals.
we depend on one another to survive.
thats how we affect one another.
and of cz, how booms and slumps get transferred from one economy to another. :P
haha.
okay thats really very random.
anws, it had been raining nowadays.
rainy season.
one day, you were holding an umbrella, walking down the street.
and you see someone standing in the rain, all drenched, searching high and low for a shelter.
will you go over and share your umbrella with her, or wld you walk away?
lets be realistic.
politically right answers are not what ppl are looking for.
practicality is the word.
wel, im gone.
the end of the week is coming.
finally can take a short break?
ohwels.
dont use the same words you used on her on me.
i dont like it.


mata ne..

i am drained.
very drained.
i hate it when the lousy feelings from the day before overflows into the next day.
it sucks.
its unfair to that new day cz it just screws up everything that happens on that day, no matter how good it may be.
im gna slp early tday.
cannot take it.
i need to slp so that il do more justice to the next day.
i think, the more tired you are, the more emotional you get.
nah theres just this overflowing mixture of feelings which i dont really know how to express.
which is better, cz the more i speak, the more mistakes i make.
the worst part is, i dont really know whats the source(s) of these multiple feelings oozing out all at the same time.
then how am i supposed to get these stuff away?
damns.
jeeva may just keep our class for two three hours on sat just to finish what we missed.
gosh.
and ms loh is nagging at us to make us go for GP practice on sat also.
yea cz i failed my prev GP paper by half a mark.
ohwels..
like she said, she has a reason for failing me.
i think i know why le.
ive made a similar mistake in the past two essays that i wrote.
and wel, obviously i didnt score too well for both of them.
mans.
gees.
why arent i doing well in everything?
HAIX.
its like, no matter how hard i sigh the gek-ness will still be there.
its like something heavy is placed on your chest lidat.
the heart is feeling heavy.
neverminds.
what can i do except practice and practice and practice.
theres a reason why ppl keep saying that practice makes perfect.
cz it had to be true.
just that, how long do i need to take?
and, time is obviously not on my side.
haix.
thinking of worst case senarios so that il be most prepared for the worst.
but its usually these worst case senarios that i have thot of that upsets me.
haiya i have to stop thinking and emerse myself in mugging.
ah stop stop stop.
im in confusion le.
damns.
dead tired.
my back is aching like shit.
hmm.
forgiving is hard, forgetting is harder.
but thats what i am gna work towards.
haix.
everyone is trying their very best.
so pls dont just walk away.
when the fear strikes your heart,
it sends frightening chills to every part of your body.


mata ne..

whoas.
physics today was superb-ly boring.
wel, i mean, when is it not?
ohwels.
actually, sometimes i get really irritated with spoilers.
like, hello? what are you trying to show?
never minds.
its not like they will waste any time on me, why should i be wasting my time getting irritated in the first place?
ppl who just simply DONT GIVE A DAMN.
its okay, my memories dont lie there in the first place.
ive got more ppl i shld be caring abt.
i can hear and feel the thorns coming out with those words.
and i am gna be as stupid as i can and ignore them.
oh gees.
yes today was an ultimate lousy day.
wel, not so ultimately lousy, but, not good at all.
neverminds.
complain le then i shall just forget abt it.
you know, i am seriously considering locking up this blog.
but wel, not like ive got many things to say either.
it would most probably be like, loads abt studies and exams and stressful ppl and what nots.
i mean like, looking at my life now, what can i blog abt lar.
haha.
ohwels.
i shall see how things go for me.
oh crap.
condemnation?
いつも自分で私自身が叱っているね。
私も自身が嫌いよ。
どうしてその言葉は言う？
come on, lets not be so hard on ourselves and others.
皆さんは一生懸命しない？
we shall not repeat the same mistakes we already made.
hrumphs.
no way.
今、頭が勉強だけをする。
be selective of what i shld be using my brain to understand.
gees.
now i know how it feels like to be a spectator.
its kinda irritating.
wel, im not saying all are.
but the way that it changes ppl of different kinds to become all the same is quite astounding.
バカになるね。
突然、頭が使わないね。
irrationalism.
is that what its supposed to be?
気持ちを悪くなる。
maybe i havent seen enough.
maybe i am still so stupidly immature.
gees im quite tired today.
本当だ。
私は一生懸命している。
どうしてそんな言葉は言う？
わからないよ。
とてもがっかりね。
私にどうして欲しい？
i feel feeble and helpless.
weak and useless.
wel tell me, 誰に信じられる？
gees mans.
im really runnin out of solutions.
screwing up my studies.
haix.
ive got to go and chiong my econs case studies le.
my jap grammar here must be like, utterly horrendous.
neverminds.
i never was good.


mata ne..

test number 1.
to be loud and quick.
scraped thru.
ohwels.
extreme emotions are good masks.
hmm.
today was having chem practical lesson.
then mrs tan got gastric.
SO POOR THING!
=(
then she tell us not to make her angry today cz of her gastric.
haha.
shes damn cute can.
and she made us write down 3 things that we learnt after the lesson.
like some pri sch thing!
haha.
i did integration also.
but damn ineffective.
cz i forgot everything le.
://
haix.
i need my notes.
oh and yongde was so nice today!
YONGDE IS THE GREATEST!
ALEXANDER THE GREAT!
=D
haha.
gees thanks loads dude.
im damn touched!
so sweet of you lar.
ahhaha.
yongde is so nice that he made me feel damn paiseh!
:/
so guilty lar.
haha.
okok.
hms.
im thinking of forgoing somethings.
argh..
what am i doing?!
-tears hair off my head-
CBA.
damns.
the fear is back to haunt again.


mata ne..

the sky is raining.
=)
nice weather.
does it have to be before a sch day!?
damns.
cannot sleep in.
gees.
haix.
ohwels.
the 5 day holiday is OVER.
haix.
ultimate slacker = me.
someone get me out of this slacker mode can!
i think its cz never go sch then like got nothing to push me to do work lidat.
wahpiangs.
mixed feelings.
want school to start, dont want sch to start.
anws, ive been wanting to blog this for very long le.
ARGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
://////////////
my upper wisdom tooth is coming out!
damn painful!
argh.
but hor, tho i got like 3 wisdom teeth le, but ironically, i think ive grown more stupid instead.
-whacks my head-
arghh.
tmr got vector test, econs test.
of which, both also never study.
okay lar, vectors got study abit.
ohwels..
prelims are coming soon.
77 days to As.
stressed up?
duh, everyone is.
im so sick of everything.
SIAN.
i wish time wouldnt pass so quickly.
not really lookin forward to after As actually.
cz when As are over, a decision had been made.
the decision of what my results will be.
and theres no way i can change things anymore.
but, now that i have the chance to change things, why arent i doing anything?
i dont treasure what i have.
wel obviously.
cz if i do i wont be wasting time, wld i?
i am such an idiot.
-whacks my head again-
haix.
damnits.
ppl just dont treasure the human relationships with the ppl around them.
putting your relationships with ppl at risk.
one may or may not know it.
but, the consequences will come and the individual will have to bear it i guess.
no one knows what lies in the future.
probably the reason why ppl take risks, placing bets on their actions.
pushing things to the limit, trying to maximise the benefits gained.
but, when we push things to the limit, things will most probably not turn out well i guess.
thats when one screws up.
hmms.
i think the human mind is scaree.
who knows what goes on in a person's mind except that person himself.
discipline is not about guarding one's actions.
but guarding one's mind and lips.
i think thats the hardest part.
hai ohwels.
why am i wasting my time here?
its time to get back to work.
i MUST be back into my mugger mode tmr!


mata ne..

WAHHH IM A SLACKER IM A SLACKER IM A SLACKER!
:/
haix.
anws, this morning at 10am, i was sitting at home.
as usual, but not that usual either.
cz by that time, i had alr made a trip to the beach and came back.
haha.
yupps.
dont know why lar, my parents suddenly want to go to the beach recently.
so in 4 days, they have been to changi beach twice le.
haha.
i didnt go with them the first time ba.
but we went there to see sunrise.
eh, but didnt literally see the sun rise.
just perhaps, the break of dawn?
haha.
yea.
wel, it wasnt a very breath taking view.
just normal i guess.
yupps.
so was muggin phys there for a while.
yea, with the periodic roar coming from the landing planes.
haha.
saw alot of SIA planes leh.
reminded me of the time when i went japan and when i went thailand with the band.
sad.
now's the time to mug.
haix.
mans.
i got prob trying to upload my photos.
nvms.
one day il just blog photos.
hmms.
haix im a lousy talker.
i just cant seem to say anything right.
my words just dont come out the way i want them to come out.
and i get misunderstood so often and i receive scoldings for nothing.
说多错多。
when will i learn to shut myself up?
suddenly i dont know if i shld be doing this.
should i?
argh idiotic.
the sense of insecurity.
have you felt it before?


mata ne..

nah im too lazy to find a new word to blog each day.
it becomes an obligation after a while.
dont like obligations.
wel, celebrated yeesam's bdae today.
early celebration.
very early celebration.
but cz everyone also very busy, din make it big scale.
just bdae cake, bdae song, eat lunch tgt then we are off on our ways again.
in any case, yeesam i hope it was not too slipshot?
:/
sorry mans.
il wish you happy bdae on your bdae.
haha.
hmm..
we were walking around j8, and we saw the GP teachers gg for a movie.
yea ms loh, ms chiew, mr seah, etc etc.
then i msged ms loh and told her i was jealous of her.
haha.
and she said she had to go back and mark our common test after that anws.
yea and i told her to get a pail before she mark.
for puking blood.
haha.
ohwels.
this is real bad.
ive got absolutely no mood to study.
no "DRIVE" to study. -quotes xinrong-
ppl study from 9am to 9pm, what am i doing?!
argh im irritated with myself.
very irritated.
i want to study!
i need to study!
but i cant!
damnits.
haix.
neverminds.
IM SCREWED UP AGAIN.
haix.
anws, heard of the story of moses?
a very long time ago, the israelites were enslaved by egyptians and they were mistreated.
so God chose one person among the israelites, ie, moses, to deliver them out of egypt and bring them to the land that is flowing with milk and honey; the promised land.
at that time when moses was born, the pharaoh gave an order to throw all the newborn boys into the Nile river cz the number of israelites was increasing greatly.
he was worried that they might fight against the egyptians.
so moses' mother put moses into a basket, and put him among the reeds along the bank of the Nile, cz she could not keep him anymore, hoping that somehow, he would be saved.
the pharaoh's daughter later, found moses in the basket by the river, felt sorry for him, and decided get a hebrew woman to nurse him.
she named him moses, which meant, "i drew him out of the water".
so theres this song from prince of egypt that i heard recently, and i liked the lyrics alot.
got it from clarence.
and i think nyband had been playing it?
yupps.
so i shall blog the song.
wel, after knowing the story, it would be much easier to understand what the lyrics meant i guess.
alrite here goes.
btw, moses' story is found in the book of exodus in the Bible.
can go read it.
yupps.
oh and miriam is moses' sister.


Deliver Us
Ofra Haza and Eden Riegel


[Egyptian Guards]
Mud...Sand...Water...Straw...Faster!
Mud...And lift...Sand...And Pull
Water...And raise up...Straw...Faster!


[Slaves]
With the sting of the whip on my shoulder
With the salt of my sweat on my brow
Elohim, God on high
Can you hear your people cry:
Help us now
This dark hour...


Deliver us
Hear our call
Deliver us
Lord of all
Remember us, here in this burning sand
Deliver us
There's a land you promised us
Deliver us to the promised land...


[Yocheved]
Yal-di ha-tov veh ha-rach
(My good and tender son)
Al ti-ra veh al tif-chad
(Don't be frightened and don't be scared)
My son, I have nothing I can give
But this chance that you may live
I pray we'll meet again
If He will deliver us


[Slaves]
Deliver us
Hear our prayer
Deliver us
From despair
These years of slavery grow
too cruel to stand
Deliver us
There's a land you promised us
Deliver us
Out of bondage and
Deliver us to the promised land...


[Yocheved]
Hush now, my baby
Be still, love, don't cry
Sleep as you're rocked by the stream
Sleep and remember my last lullaby
So I'll be with you when you dream


River, o river
Flow gently for me
Such precious cargo you bear
Do you know somewhere
he can live free?
River, deliver him there...


[Young Miriam]
Brother, you're safe now
And safe may you stay
For I have a prayer just for you:
Grow, baby brother
Come back someday
Come and deliver us, too...


[Slaves]
Deliver us
Send a shepherd to shepherd us
And deliver us to the promised land


[Yocheved]
Deliver us!


shall relieve those scenes from prince of egypt ba.
the little boy with moses' mother and miriam is aaron.
yupps.
moses' brother.

well, of cz, after this, moses grew up and God spoke to him.
and he sent the plagues on the egyptians cz the new pharaoh refused to let the israelites go.
i think the saddest part was that, the new pharaoh was the one he grew up with.
saw the little boy next to the egyptian princess?
yupps.
he's the one that would refuse to let the israelites go and moses had to force him to do it.
go read it ba.
its alot more interesting when you read it for yourself.
gees.
recall how the Lord works.
=)
haix.
i heard that.
and its not the end yet.
let the sky rain for me.


mata ne..

MULTIFARIOUS: (adjective) very varied.
HAPPY NATIONAL DAY!
whee!
i like national day songs.
hmm.
i hate it when my nose acts up.
ARGH.
damnits.
I AM SUPER INEFFECTIVE AGAIN.
whats wrong with me!
hate myself.
just cant do anything right.
oh nvms.
im just a screw up.
I AM AN INEFFECTIVE LOSER.
a loser with the stupidest brain.
gees.
i am sick of everything.


mata ne..

OSSIFY: (verb) 1. turn into bone, harden. 2. make or become rigid and unprogressive.
i dont have a whole load of brains, but i sure have an overflowing supply of stupidity.
haix.
serious distractions.
ive pasted my results slip on my wall to make me get back on track again.
adopted a new measure.
im forcing myself to work and gain my momentum.
i had done it once.
but now i have to do it again.
and it had become harder.
i need a step up transformer.
convert the alternating voltage to another of a different magnitude, and into another outlet.
i know, i know.
yes, ive been disappointing at times.
but i have lost faith in ppl as well.
maybe theres a need to tear myself apart cz theres just so much filth and dirt and perhaps theres no need for my presence.
cz the presence is redundant, and will cause unnecessary problems.
tear up and throw into the dump.
heard of the story of a frog trying to jump out of a well?
he jumped three steps forward and fell two steps back.
he managed to get out anws.
heard of jumping three steps forward but falling four steps back?
my frog had tried just as hard to jump out of the well but now she's falling back again.
is there a cheat method?
can i use the rope next to the well and pull her out?
gees.
i take back my words.
the lips shall learn to stick closer to each other.
afternoon tears tell alot more than those at night.


mata ne..

ohh this word sounds so vicious yet its such an innocent word.
hahaa.
VERACIOUS: (adjective) 1. truthful 2. true.
i dont wna make a sentence with this word cz it sounds so difficult.
haha.
okok.
just now night study damn farnie.
i studied with ah rong, lianfei, and jie jie.
cz the other room is super crowded lar.
then when we went back after dinner, ah rong and me tried to avoid getting a shock from the guys cz i heard they once scared ah rong and ah sun.
so we managed to avoid that outside the classroom.
but dont know why, when ah rong entered the room, she still got a shock from qingyi.
i thot we were all mentally prepared for that le lor.
haha.
rong jie is lousy.
hahaha.
see? i said il blog abt you.
you were the one who gave me the idea!
haha.
ohwels.
its not good to be in a worst spot than before.
so it shall not happen under my control.
hmm.
sometimes truth can be so plain that it sounds like a lie.
and some may even turn out to sound so wrong.
things just dont come out right from my mouth.
i suck mans, big time.
conclusions made in a certain point of your life are the guidelines to your next step.
damns its all so ironic.
終わらない。
簡単ではない。
実は、私はできない。
それは真実だ。
it takes a full fleged retard, with utmost stupidity, to be the first to start, to be a part of, and be the last one to leave.


mata ne..

FULMINATE: (verb) protest loudly and bitterly.
yea i am fulminating now.
WHY DO WE HAVE TO TAKE A LEVELS!
haha.
okok nvms.
i like to make sentences with the words that i learnt.
like pri sch lidat.
haha.
hmms.
no wonder God told us specifically not to judge ppl.
now i know why.
cz its so unfair to judge ppl.
especially when you dont know that person in the first place.
(okay i am guilty of that too :/)
but anws, yea i realised how unfair it was to that person.
you dont go around and laugh at ppl, when what they do may not even be wrong!
whats worst, you make fun of that person when what he did was right.
wel, of cz, when what that person did is wrong, its okay to say that its wrong.
but if what that person did was right, i feel that anyone of us, no matter how good or how bad we may be, we have no authority to make fun of him.
it just shows how immature and insensitive we can be.
its plain stupidity lor.
ive learnt sth from others, and i will not judge ppl unfairly, lest i be judged by God Himself.
ohwels.
the world is an evil place.
instead of thinking of ways in which ppl can improve, i may as well reflect upon my own actions.
eh, im not directing that statement at anyone, so pls dont take offence.
we shld all be thinking of ways to improve ourselves everytime cz not anyone of us is perfect.
complacency is the cause of one's downfall.
its all just a matter of time.
whee!
studying is alot better than dealing with ppl.
the words just stare back at you.
thats all they can do.
haha.
alrites alrites.
i watched alot of shows during the weekend.
saturday i was watching daddy day care.
after that show, i officially proclaim that kids are so freaking adorable!
haha.
then sunday i watched legally blonde 2 and night at the museum.
night at the museum was good.
i like.
haha.
and i watched abit of 跑吧孩子.
i want an elder brother!
=X
later those with elder brothers disagree with me then they come and trash me.
haha.
okok.
personal opinion.
i think having an elder brother is nice cz they will look after you.
=D
ahhaha.
okok nvms.
random-ness.
whee i like doing normal distribution and sampling and hypothesis!


mata atode..

PERTINACIOUS: (adjective) persistant and determined.
i wish i could be pertinacious.
but after doing so much work, i havent improved a single shit.
headache.
haix.
all sorts of ppl.
deal with it!
who can you cling on to in this world?
everything is transient, everything will pass away one day.
will you then treasure the things you have,
and make it last for as long as possible?
i am so stupid.
and i need alot more hard work.
its so unfair.


mata ne..

QUALM: (noun) misgiving, pang of conscience.
MISGIVING: (noun) a slight feeling of doubt, fear or mistrust.
i am stunned by the events happening around me.
caught by surprise, caught off guard.
i have absolutely no idea how i am supposed to react.
i dont know who is scrutinising me, picking out my mistakes for every one step that i take.
i dont like, and dont want to irritate ppl.
i was just wondering..
should we be our true self, or should we be the person that ppl wants us to be?
putting up a new face everytime you see a different person, is that the way it should be?
if not, then why do so many ppl say that we have to pretend alot in the world outside?
why cant we show our true thots and feelings abt that person to him or her?
if we were to put on a different face when we meet different ppl, then how do we show our true feelings, our heartfelt gratitude to ppl?
how do we go on and love the ppl around us?
our hearts would harden, and we would lose the compassion and kindness that used to be inbuilt in our characters.
gp compre.
if one were to execute his right to do sth, he would rob the other person of his freedom.
opportunity cost.
not every good is the perfect substitute of another.
not every decision or action is the perfect subsitute of another.
not every friend is the perfect substitute of another.
differences, uniqueness.
i have a phobia for the word "friend" now.
fear.
something that keeps you away from the source of the fear.
being afraid.
losing your sense of security.
losing your trust in something or someone, knowing that you wont feel good.
everyone is looking for a place, a sense of belonging in this world.
everyone is looking for reasons to explain their life experiences.
everyone is looking for different shields to protect themselves from the repeat of the life events that once hurt them.
reasons; the unexplainable.
not having enough evidence to convince one to think a certain way.
who can measure your opportunity cost except you yourself?
asking for advices would just be a guideline.
whether its feasible, or applicable, is yet another issue.
in the end, however, the measurement of the opportunity cost would be done by you, and you alone.
and you will come to a conclusion, and make a decision.
the utilitarian approach.
this is getting nowhere.
i feel extremely lousy.
is there a need to drive me right to the corner?
to the point that there is no where i can escape to except to squat down and minimise the damage that is inflicted upon me?
this is the cross road.
the point of no return.


mata ne..

ah this word can be pretty useful.
INTERMINABLE: (adjective) very long and boring.
the lecture is interminable.
haha.
okok.
haix.
its weird.
i am extremely appalled by the reactions of ppl.
especially tday.
im plain shocked at how they react to different situations.
and its not just one or two instances.
i saw at at least 5 kinds of reactions that made me really very shocked.
and it didnt come from one person.
it came from a few.
i stood there and i really didnt know how to react to wht i saw.
no, i am not irritated.
just plain appalled.
cant think of a better word.
aiya, we all act in a certain appalling way to others at some point in our lives.
so i dont blame them, but, its just really very weird.
ah neverminds.
wel, in any case, i think we shld all thank the Lord for working a miracle for the korean missionaries in afghanistan.
who says He doesnt work miracles in the world today?
as long as we have faith in Him, He can do anything.
two had been killed, and what makes you think the taliban wont kill the 9 when they threatened to do so ytd?
but yet, the Lord changed their minds, and these 9 lives were saved.
the Lord still watches over each and every one of us.
not just the korean missionaries only.
and i believe that His decision for us is the best.
anticipate, look forward to, and watch the Lord work His next miracle.
in the korean missionaries' lives,
and in YOUR life.


mata ne..

i think ive seen this word a few times before.
PERPETUATE: (verb) preserve from being forgotten or from going out of use.
-raises hand-
okay i am guilty.
i was watching jeepers creepers 2 on tv just now.
when i know im not supposed to.
but anws,
its damn sick mans.
:/
not really very scaree but its sick to the core.
eww.
sch is irritating today mans.
wrote so many essays sia.
damn draining.
tmr got lotsa consultations.
haix.
i keep calling ppl's names wrongly today.
instead of calling ms teng, i called her ms loh.
instead of regina, i called her gen.
i almost called chee siong's name wrongly too.
and i think still got one more two more ppl.
haha.
dies.
keep calling wrongly.
whats wrong with me.
haha.
ms teng's one is damn farnie lar.
i wanted to call MS TENG, but i was thinking of telling her that the population variance is KNOWN, then i dont know how but these two words some how combined and the words "MS LOH" slipped out of my mouth.
haha.
so stupid.
hmmms.
ehes.
i think i made a statement today that made me sound like a les.
and the statements that i made after that made it sound worst.
hahaha.
oh gosh.
its quite farnie, but i cant be bothered to get back to her and explain.
moreover, she may not have mistaken me in the first place.
haha.
ohwels.
neverminds.
oh ive come to a conclusion.
after tht one night, i believe its enough.
i will never make myself present in the same situation ever again.
cz i wont want to see anything.
and i dont want to know what il see.
that once is enough, and it scares me.
i will walk away.
i will never make myself present in those situations.
never.
you guys wna do anything, pls dont do it in front of me.
whether its you guys, or them or anyone else.
whether its good or bad, i will not be present to witness the same situation ever again.
pls save me from the trauma.
PUI!
GO SLEEP!


mata ne..