just when i wanted to say,
life now can only get better, or stay as bad as it already is,
and lament about the part tht it might just cont to be so bad and not get better...
i realise that im getting my results this friday.

now my life is really gna crash.

when i walk outdoors, i can no longer feel the breeze.
i cant lift my head to see the pretty stars in the night sky.
down to the bottomless pit.

im sorry for ranting. i really am.

mata ne..

for birthdays gone uncelebrated,
twice or more.
no cake, not even a song.

for travelling without a care.
not informing.
not even beforehand.

for not speaking, shutting up.
acquaintance,
it seems, or maybe even less.

for not knowing, not asking.
encouragement?
maybe in the dreams.

for ignoring, brushing off.
alarm sounds.
earplugs? deaf, probably.

for taking for granted,
unappreciative.
not taking the initiative.

for losing yourself.
completely.
beyond recognition.

for not remembering, forgetting
emotional quotient.
what used to define that name.

for leaving it as it is.
superficiality.
pretending, false fronts.

for not knowing what it meant.
misunderstanding.
when its not what it seems.

for making it seems its you.
be empathised.
turning the world against me.

mata ne..

went for band on thursday and found out how our repertoire for the SPH performance was like.
it looked pretty cool.
we played Final Fantasy eXtravagenza.
tho i din play the game before,
before we started i was a little worried that i might hear familiar tunes that might just bring back pretty sad memories.
it wasnt too bad.
i thot yuna's theme, and someday the dream will end sounded pretty familiar.
definitely recognise brass de chocobo and zarnakand.
and theres this piano part that plays the music you hear when youre at the menu.
haha.
theres this another song called video games live part 1.
3 movements, first movement got halo, 2nd movement was civilisation, 3rd movement got kingdom hearts.
we havent play yet, but im quite looking forward to hear how kingdom hearts sound like.
still got other songs.. shall publicise here again when i am sure the repertoire is confirmed.
oh, we got animations too!
looking forward to that also.
wonder how the animations are gna look like.
the songs are tempting me to start playing games again. haha.
hmm..
anw its amazing the amount of mails i got recently.
i feel im like camping on hotmail.
:/
more excel sheets to create, more microsoft docs to save.
just one more song to blog about.
its by TEGOMASU =)
this song is called ai ai gasa.
this has eng translation, tho there are some spelling errors, shld still be able to understand what the song is about.
okay i know the two of them look abit gay here.
esp tegoshi. =X
but i still like the song =)

*sings along*
masuda still rocks my socks. haha.
all these are distracting me from the right things.
perfect.
and how nostalgic is the stingy feeling on the cheek, and the dizzyness from the impact,
after being slapped right across the face.

mata ne..

i woke up this morning, with the feeling that my life is damn screwed up.
sigh anw.
whoa this is like my 600th entry in 3 years?
i sure got alot of complains to blog abt :(
but i used to blog everyday.. so i guess thats why got so many entries.
haha anw..
ive got interesting things to share on my 600th post.
this video that is darn cute.
its abt MASUDA TAKAHISA! =D
yea i mean tegoshi was also inside la, but the video was abt masuda ma.
so anw here it is.
SERIOUSLY, HES DAMN DAMN CUTE :D

hahaha!
cute anot cute anot!!!!!!!
i think those ppl who dont like masuda will also say hes cute lo.
i think his OEI was like so sudden until no one could react.
HIS PANDA WAS THE ULTIMATE ONE LA.
hahahahaha. laugh until i died.
the first time i watch it must stun like 1 second first before bursting into laughter.
hahaha.
even after watching it over 10 times i still can laugh. hahaha.
after he say "PANDA" then he laugh himself also. =.=
you shld see his eyes when he said panda.
hahaha.
his laughter is also damn adorable la.
増田はとてもかわいい!!
=DDDD
that emcee also quite farnie.
"it was so awkward that i cant even act awkward". (okay i couldnt catch this part in jap cz they were using slang ://)
hahahha.
and tegoshi and the emcee also. at 0:10, they were like 「マス、喋って、喋って」
wah like calling a pet to talk lidat. haha.
wadddd.. :P
AHHHH SO FARNIE I CANT STAND IT!!
hahaha.
who doesnt love masuda now!
=)
okok next next.
less of masuda, more of other members of NEWS!
this song is one of the songs that are stuck in my head recently.
its called SUMMERTIME, by NEWS.
very nice song!
NEWS has a few ppl that some ppl will recognise ba.
like the first solo guy is NIKISHIDO RYO, who is the male lead in one litre of tears and the abusive bf in last friends.
the 2nd solo guy is YAMAPI, whom alot of ppl are crazy abt. the leader of NEWS.
havent seen any of his dramas, but i think got quite alot got him inside de.
then the 3rd soloist has to be MASUDA TAKAHISA =D
who can miss his cute face? :D
the 4th soloist is TEGOSHI YUYA, who sang kaerimichi no love song with masuda.
they are called TEGOMASU, fyi.=D
anw, theres also shige and koyama, saw this one vid of them playing in their hotel room, wah they damn playful also. ahah.
okok anw heres summer time.
(btw the first person that walked in is masuda =D)

haha i like this song alot cz it looks so happy.
oh and whats with masuda and the swimming float and maracus la. haha.
and at 2:11, you will see nikishido ryo trying to hula the swimming float in the background. haha.
i think tegoshi also has very cute actions during his solos, esp the actions at 1:29 and 2:50.
at 2:55 the part with ryo washing the clothes wash until got one hole and masuda was like damn upset was very farnie also :D
hahaha.

Summer Time
NEWS

This is the summer time
夏の前に君に会えたから
最高の波が来ているのさ
I want you to know my sweet emotion
駆け足で攻めでもいいんじゃない
待ちきれないよ Beautiful days!

手招きしてる太陽 集まるひとざわめき
そこで見つけた(Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!) 君に一目惚れ （All right!）
溶けてアイス握り締めながら

ちょっと野蛮目に触れた視線が
Oh yes俺を走れてる
ちょっと明日も会いたいかも
今年の夏期待してもいいでしょう

This is the summer time!
夏の前に君に会えたから
最高の波が来ているのさ
素直なまま 伝えるから
潮風に 願いを托すのさ

夏の前に君に会えたから
夜空を見に海連れ出せたら
I want you to know my sweet emotion
駆け足で攻めでもいいんじゃない
待ちきれないよ Beautiful days!

抱き取り白い砂浜 今日も君はいるかな?
すぐに見つけたい (Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!)
君を一人締め （All right!）
もっとそばに近づいてみたい

ちょっとやばめに触れた指先
Oh yes！君にを気づいてる
きっと二人はミラクルかも
今年の夏期待してもいいでしょう

This is the summer time!
夏の前に君に会えたから
砂浜に思いを描くのさ
繋いだまま 同じの浜
どこまでも歩いていけるかな

夏の後もそばにいたいから
次の夏もそばにいたいから
I want you to show me your emotion
あたってくだけでもいいじゃない
待ちきれないよ Beautiful days!

バッキュ～ン されてハート ドッキュ～ン!!
恋ゎまさに超特急 想いふくらんで最上級 決めてみせる勝負ゎ直球
夢見る君と見たいZone つながるよね未来へと
行こう 内緒のプライベートsummertime ｽﾞｯﾄ二人でいよう!!

This is the summer time!
夏の前に君に会えたから
最高の波が来ているのさ
素直なまま 伝えるから
潮風に 願いを托すのさ

夏の前に君に会えたから
夜空を見に海連れ出せたら
I want you to know my sweet emotion
駆け足で攻めでもいいんじゃない
待ちきれないよ Beautiful days!

This is the summer time!
This is the summer time!
This is the summer time!

yay yay so nice! =)
so this is what ive been indulging in recently.
videos and songs by NEWS. :)
i think ppl will ask me, whats with that jap craze la.
i also duno leh. my jap craze sudd came back. haha.
i think its cz after i watched zettai kareshi, then sudd i understood alot of jap.
haha. then aft that went back to watch all the NEWS stuff.
then crazy le. haha.
i think there might be other contributing factors also.. but they are not impt to be mentioned here.
in any case, yay watching jap makes me happy. haha.
and im also busy with the campus crusade's matric committee emails, and band exco's first set of minutes :(
band prac starts tmr!
loads of stuff to do.
i got to get back to my minutes!

mata ne..

怒った。
十分、絶対、とても!
あげた理由はどんな理由?
たぶんね、私は話したいことが知らない。
けど、とても本気で言った、｢話したいことがある｣
聞こえない?
今、“重く”なったね!
そんな簡単の意味は全然わからない?
あっ、まっさか。。また逃げている?
いつも、いつも逃げる。
バカだ。
遊ぶことは友達より大切だろう?
本当に私の友達?
いつも私が｢大切物のリスト」の最後に置いた。
変えた。あなたは全然変えた。
三年前に知っているあなたは全然同じじゃない。
これから、私は全然何も聞かない。
今日から、この友達が離れる。
もし、わたしは大切だったら、自分で私が探して。
私は自分の生活を生きる。
この痛い気持ちは十分だよ。
二度と感じない。
ひどいメッセージを送ってあげた。
あなたの気持ちはどう?
知りたいが、知りたくない。
実は、あなたは私の大切な友達だ。
けど、あなたはそう思わないだろう?
本当だ。もう十分だ。
いつもわたしは一生懸命であなたと話した。
いつもがんばれていた。
全部は無駄だ。
無駄!
やめて。
また私に傷をしないで。
今は遅い。
寝て行く。
起きたから、私はあなたのために何もしてあげない。
またあなたのことが心配しない。
これから、私たちの友情は全部あなた自分で決めて。
もういい。

またね。。

i indulged in one movie and one drama these three days.
:O
cz i din want to spend so much time watching drama (once i start i wont stop until i finish it :/), i decided to watch GREAT TEACHER ONIZUKA the movie!
haha its damn cute lar.
the way he deal with his students is really outrageous.
but it was damn farnie.
and cz of this movie, i was sooo tempted to watch a drama the next day (ytd).
so scrolling down the list of jap dramas, i decided to watch ZETTAI KARESHI.
hahaha!!
okok it might sound damn bimbotic to those ppl who dont know whats the storyline.
afterall, zettai kareshi means absolute boyfriend.
but it turned out to be quite a meaningful show you know!
the way the robot, tenjo night, searches for the real meaning of being alive, and he realises that he cant be the one to bring true happiness to the girl riiko that he's made to love, despite the fact that hes her "理想彼氏".
DARN SAD.
i shant be a spoiler and say what happened.
altho the part abt the robot starting to develop human feelings is damn cliched, but still!
it din fail to touch my heart =D

yay i recognise the first guy on the left, mizushima hiro, as hana kimi's dorm 2 dorm head. hahaha.
somehow i think he resembles terence kee in this show.
haha.
anw, the girl's quite cute too. she reminds me of nodame at times.
oh the way night screams "RIIKO~" is damn cute lar.
and i love the parts when he was trying to exercise and spray oil on his body, then he show off his muscles and he asks riiko, “梨衣子、俺はセックシー？”
laugh until i wna die.
haha.
still, dont laugh at me, but the ending (drama + SP) made me cry :'(
the things that they say is soooooooo freaking sad =(
i feel pain for soushi too!
like hes 2nd place or sth.
sadded!!
=(
but still, i think its quite a cute movie.
sigh.. after so many jap dramas i realise all have similar storylines, where the main characters have deep dark secrets to hide, then finally they all get exposed.
and they realise life is much less complicated with their secrets exposed.
T.T
hahaha.
絶対彼氏は本当に絶対彼氏だよ。
皆が欲しい彼氏ね。
ナイトは本当にかわいくて、かわいよ。
jap dramas always make me think alot after that.
the aftermath.
haha.
there are many quotes that i like in the drama, but i could only rmb this one at the moment..
”ずっと守りたいよ。” AWWWWWW.. *heart pain*
hahah.
okok enough of zettai kareshi.
all the love stories are making my heart melt! :P
hahahha.
got to return to reality!

mata ne..

since its midnight alr, i shld just say
happy mothers' day to all the mums in the world! =)
haha.
ive got some baking to do after church.
lets hope the cookies dont turn out too badly eh.
:/
hmm.. lets just put it simple and straightforward.

i feel the pain.

あなたのために、何をしたかな。。
けど、あなたはいつも｢私と関係じゃない」と思ったね。
私の誕生日も何もしなかった。
毎度、あなたに怒った時、一番痛い物は私の心だよ。
もうすぐこの友達が離れて、忘れたいね。
実は、その事ができる?
i think i shld use jap to blog more often.
i cant afford to lose touch with it. haha.

mata ne..

okay i think im blogging too much recently. haha.
but got things to update mar..
congrats to ny for getting a gold!
i think there shouldnt be much arguments about that =)
sigh.. this year's judging is damn weird.
seriously, some bands have done better and some bands are really not that good.
considering ive sat through the whole syf and have heard every single band.
but ohwels, the judges have their own set of criteria so i suppose its a しかたがない kind of situation.
congrats to ny again!
think the mood abit not there when they announced they got a gold.
duno whether its cz of the Q&A session after that that kind of spoiled the mood.
no one can immediately react and celebrate.
but not that they reacted much when the gold was announced.
hahaha but i hope they are happy with that medal.
=)
did i mention that i went to talk to ms sia ytd?
ms sia din look like she rmb me when i first said hi to her.
so when i congratulated her for her mjc, i asked her, "ms sia, do you rmb me? you look like you dont rmb me." hahah.
and she was like, "of cz! st nicks french horn one right?"
then i was like, "whoa! really rmb me arh."
haha.
i talked to mr ong also.
that one i know he definitely dont rmb me.
cz he happened to look in my direction so i just talked to him.
"mr ong, dont think you rmb me."
he asked, "which school are you from?"
i said, "st nicks. the el camino that batch."
then he was like, "ohhh the one that got gold right."
ahah.
of cz we congratulated mr brando tan for ny.
i see mr tan on stage conducting, i feel abit excited also.
cz i never saw him so animated before.
haha.
cx and me also went to talk to prof ho.
we were like, "prof ho!"
then he stared at us blankly and was like, "yes?"
so i said, "prof ho, we are from nusws lar."
prof ho said, "OH! yes yes how are you all?"
hahaha so cute lar him.
and he asked us for our names.
so farnie.
oh yes thanks to mie section mate we got some advantage when it comes to entering the competition hall.
tho i feel quite paiseh about it.
thanks zh!
haha.
i feel like i camped inside the competition hall for two days lar.
and i heard overture no.2 14 times and overture no.1 7 times. T.T
haha but it was quite an experience cz i never got to listen to all the bands despite me participating in syf 3 times.
loads of bands, all different styles, different tones, different mistakes.
hahah.
fun fun.
hmm.. just now after syf, we went to eat dinner and we went over to the library and i borrowed a book.
its called, "the school for husbands" by wendy holden.
hahah. the title looks damn hilarious, the synopsis was farnie too.
so i decided to read it.
lets see how it goes.
it had been a long time since i last read a book.
tmr got meeting in nus with campus crusade..
2pm.. sigh.
so far.
you know i realise im talking in circles and all the no-substance stuff.
so i shall just stop.
and i want you to know how painful it is for me to stare blankly through your face, and then look away.
mata ne..

i found out sth amazing.
and il bet my batch the sngs snsb ppl will have the same reaction as me.
tmr's syf...
AM session.
band 12, Serangoon JC, choice piece: A Springtime Celebration
band 13, St Andrew's JC, choice piece: El Camino Real
OMG THEY ARE PLAYING MY SEC 2 AND SEC 4 SYF PIECES CONSECUTIVELY!!!
:O
sooo coincidental!!
hahaha.
my stnicks life is gna be summarised in the first two perfs tmr =)
haha.
anw, its nyjc band's syf tmr.
ALL THE BEST TO ALL MY JNRS! =)
i went to dig out my two entries from our prev syf.

Thursday, May 10, 2007
10:48 PM
theres so much to say but i dont have the time to do so.
nvms.
il blog loads tmr.
with the syf results and everything.
jiayou all nyband ppl!
we will touch the hearts of everyone with our music.
and just by listening to us, ppl will know how much we all had been thru tgt, and how much we had enjoyed band life here in ny, with all our fellow musicians, our fellow band mates, our fellow friends =)
nyband life summarised into a 15 minute performance.
we are gna go up there and tell others that, we are not as small as they think we are.
gna miss sinfonia and safari after tmr.
played for almost half a year le.
gna miss music making with nyband ppl.
mans.
band had never been so fun until i met these ppl.
okay i shall go soon.
let the nyband music leave its traces in SCH.
and we are gna enjoy ourselves on stage, with mr tan, with our fellow nybandits.
1 day left to syf..
tmr is the day.
we are gna make it =)

mata ne..

Saturday, May 12, 2007
GOLD.
we did it.
finally.
but the medal is really nothing, when you have truly enjoyed the process.
thanks to all who had supported us and sent us good wishes.
=)
il miss the times i had here in nyband.
and il miss my horn.
lots to blog tmr.
too tired today.
i have lots of pics =)
"band number 8. nanyang junior college symphonic band..."
we've proven ourselves to the others.
and this is the end of it all.

mata ne..

haha, lets hope the jnrs will have the same sentiments as me.
soooo nostalgic i tell you.
sigh...
today's syf was.. OUCH, i would say.
tjc was really, very very wasted.
i really dont understand why the judges didnt like tjc's extreme makeover to THAT extent.
it wasnt THAT bad was it?
:/
tpjc was not THAT bad too..
sigh, i duno lar.
but i believe everyone in the hall was feeling damn gek for them.
i think shld see the judges' comments to at least know what happened.
if not, will feel damn 冤枉
sigh okay.
off to slp.
i just chionged finish 4 days of tuitions. T.T

mata ne..

exams are over.. like finally.
but i felt like i had lost one huge battle..
and cz of that, i feel like i dont deserve my 3 months holiday.
physical chem felt like my amaths paper 5 years ago..
my mind completely blanked out.
sigh.
i dont want to think alr.
i'd like to give a few ppl a special mention here who were nearby when i was gg through all the exam trauma.

mj - that one hour phone call was alot more than what i can ask for. and in addition to many other things which you had done for me. i cant be more grateful for everything. it will take me weeks to finish saying what you had done for me. its all in my heart =)
lirong - the old buddy who nv fails to whine to me and let me whine to her. thanks for accompanying me for dinner when i was mugging at amk lib. it really took my mind off studies, which was what i needed. plus many many other things, which can date back to 7 years ago =P
tay huimin - ah thanks for comforting me with your hugs and words after the physical chem paper. and your grp of frens who were so nice too. even tho i dont know some of them. :/ and you telling me to play RC to get my mind off 1131. haha.
weechong - haha amazingly he did something that was way out of my expectations. thanks for offering to let me rant to you mans. you wont know how grateful i am for that offer.
samuel ng - thanks for cheering me on all the time when i was online. altho you never fail to spam me with crap tho sometimes i ignore you cz i was mugging(=X haha).
mingkwang - altho i only spoke to you the night before my last paper, thanks for cheering me on too. took my mind off that physical chem for a while =)
grace lee - youre probably the only old fren that can relate so well to my situation during the exam period cz we got the same fate. haha. thanks for telling me to jiayou, all your rants abt all the chem nonsense made me feel so glad to hve you around to share my pain :P haha.
benny - thanks alot for sitting with me outside the exam hall after physical chem, and telling me abt all the uni shit that you hate, which i can relate so well to. ahaha. you made me feel like i got one additional older bro overnight. haha.
zhenghong - thanks section mate for that ゆっくり休んでください after the jap paper. and your "yar i know" when i said i was damn tired after 3 consecutive days of exams. and walking me to the bus interchange without complaining, esp when i walked so slowly. and many other things!
carol ang - that phone call on the night before my last paper was damn farnie and you made me laugh so happily for the first time during the exam period. haha. you have so much funny crap for me to laugh at. it was really a relief from the brain frying for my last paper. =)
chuanxin - thanks for mugging with me. and all the mini chit chat sessions we have while mugging. and all the jiayous that you told me. and thanks for helping me print my chem stuff and coming to the lib to pass to me despite not feeling well that day. i really felt quite bad abt it. hope youre better now. =/
candice lim, terence, victoria, koh liting - the campus crusade ppl who so nicely sent msgs to me to encourage me for the papers. thanks alot alot. all your encouragement was what i needed during that period of time.
xueqi - thanks alot for being there after the physical chem paper. you looked so worried abt me that i felt quite bad abt it. :/ haha. thanks for trying to make me feel better in subtle ways that might not seem obvious but i know =) haha.
nicholas - thanks for the encouragements that you gave and constantly telling me that things will be fine. lets hope things will turn out well for us yea. haha.
say yong - haha yea your "question 3 and 4 were quite easy" made me feel upset okay. haha. but thanks for asking me if i was fine after the org chem paper, and all your trades with me in RC. =.= thanks for the drawing competition on msn too. laughed until i died. haha.
jason tan - my fhorn snr who checks on my org chem oh-so-often. thanks alot man. altho i told myself i must do well for org chem so i wont disappoint you, but it seems like i failed. :/ but nevertheless, thanks for all the briefings and explanations you gave me to help me when you didnt have to =)

and other ppl like yuting, weejuay, rongjie, ahsun, sim liting and that whole group (zoeraine, christine so, astrid and karen) whos little gestures made me feel better when mugging feverishly for my papers.
the number of thanks i can say to these ppl arent enough to thank them for the things they had done for me.
sorry for being such an ass during exams, i couldnt take it :/
i also need to specially apologise to a few ppl..

yuxi - ah omg im so sorry. i couldnt tahan your crap when i was so frustrated over my work so i had to stop you. :/ so sorry!! i crap with you for the next 3 months okay. haha.
alvin chen - ah snrr.. so sorry that i din entertain you when you showed me the photos that you took cz i was mugging. i know they are your accomplishments and i know the photos are really nice. sorry for not telling you that. :/

and also sometimes, samuel ng and weechong would crap so much online that il get irritated and ignore them.
so sorry guys :/
ah i hope i hadnt upsetted more ppl without knowing, sorry if i did. =(
sigh, now the three months holidays are here..
yes i need to do some planning.
lets see, my short term plan is to clear all my tuitions first then anything will come later.
that plan shall stand for about 2 weeks.
plus some things to slot in between like the campus crusade matric comm meetings, band exco meetings and gg to watch the syf.
okay i shall leave it as that.
i think i shall end here. the next time il upload some photos.
hmm.
actually.. i would be lying if i said i wasnt worried and am not thinking abt my exams.
i screwed up, and the worry cant go away just like that.
i cant just let it go like that.
but i promise i wld try my best to not let that affect myself too much.
let's see how it goes.

mata ne..