hms the haze is back le.
eh dont wna blog abt tday.
so shit lar.
i know i know.
its only 4pm in the aftnn and i feel so shit alr.
hms.
ok lar.
maybe il blog abt the notice board.
hms.
put it up tday.
wels.
i think its not nice lar.
as in, a feelin that i got.
then when huishan walked over to the band room to borrow a photocopying card, she said sth like, the board being blue, very ugly or disgusting or sth lidat.
then later, she added a line, "eh pretend that i din say that."
right.
pretend.
eh im not blaming her.
its just that, you get the most truthful comments when you dont let someone think abt what he or she has to say.
okay.
im not sayin that the rest are lying or tryin to make things sound better.
but im just curious abt the amount of truth in huishan's statement.
hms.
it sounds wrong for me to say that.
okok.
im not pist or anything.
definitely not.
im just wondering whether the board is really okay or isit like what huishan said, very er xin.
haix.
i dont know lar.
maybe im paranoid.
eh i dont know whats up with me recently.
im like constantly in tension mode lidat.
like, i will break out in cold sweat for nothin.
as in, i dont know why i sudd will just break out in cold sweat.
just now also lidat.
then i was in a state of shock for quite some time.
okok. not so exaggerated.
but anws,
i went to buy choc to calm myself down.
hms.
somehow, theres this something in the choc that calms me down.
ehhh.
then my pulse will beat very fast de.
i dont know why!
i have got no idea.
i think got a couple of days le.
mans.
whats up with me?
like, for no reason lar!
then il be super jumpy.
in defense mode lidat.
when ppl say sth, then il use a shield to defend myself first then i evaluate the statement.
and im easily agitated.
oh no.
whats wrong with me?
ehhhh.
haix.
and is it just me, or do you consider me as your competitor more than a fren?
i dont know.
i just feel super defensive whenever you say or do sth.
felt it like quite some time ago.
but it was super mild.
then slowly, it gets stronger.
is it just me? or is it really true?
it gets weirder whenever im with you.
i feel as if its always a competition.
hms.
argh.
maybe its just me.
maybe im paranoid.
but..
ohwels.
dont care.
or maybe i do.
eh damns.
tday i cant be bothered abt the board inside le.
too sian.
moreover, the choir inside the room again.
so i cant possibly be doing the board while they havin prac right?
went home lor.
then now nv do anything, i feel super gek again.
cz if im not occupied, il start thinkin.
and i feel like dumpin the matters at one side.
dont even want to think abt things.
hms.
maybe im tired ba.
i think il go nap aft bloggin.
then wake up and do PW research.
then watch inuyasha.
hms.
just sth that i feel now.
sudd dont feel like talkin to ppl and have any connections with the world.
argh.
i wna lock myself up in a room and die there or sth.
okok.
think il go nap soon.
im havin all sorts of weird thots.
maybe il feel better aft i slp.
mans.
everyday, i come home.
il look forward to bloggin.
cz..
this blog feels like an old fren.
like you dump anything to the blog, it takes everything.
it just quietly eats your thots and vomits them out when you publish.
maybe sometimes, we do need a fren like this.
just to listen to you rant.
when you finally stop, this fren will just tell you that,
"hey no worries alrite? need to rant can just come back to me again. anytime."
but, being humans, we dont do that.
we judge when ppl tell us things.
we listen to what they say, analyse what had been said, and make a conclusion abt their character.
wels, i can admit that i do that too.
but tell me, who doesnt?
thats why it takes time to find someone that you can really rant to.
and if you do, thats when the trust starts to build.
that sort of explains why you dont trust everyone you see.
hms.
argh.
what am i talkin abt?
damnits.
ignore me pls.
haix.
i think i really need the rest.
so many things to do, so little time.
are you out to destroy me or build me?
really dont want to say this but,
sometimes, i really suspect your motives.

mata atode..