i just typed one whole entry of rants and wanted to publish it.
but i decided against it.
and i dont wna blog in jap.
cz it wastes time and braincells.
summary of the deleted entry..
lets face reality.
i am a tree with a rotten root that cannot be saved.
not within 16 days.
and the harvest day is in 16 days.
i KNOW deep in my heart, that i cannot make it.
ppl are not telling me cz they are being kind to me.
i cant take it anymore.
i need to pour things out.
its stuck inside.
stuck.
cz theres no place to throw things to.
each person is just a passerby.
no one stays.
plus, ppl would just sympathise with me.
its not like they dont have their own stuff to work out.
no one wld have the time to sit down and really help me.
moreoever, im pretty much hopeless.
i dont want sympathy.
i want solutions.
i screwed my results cz of this stupid thing that i blow air into.
6 years.
and now i realise that, i screwed up my playing too.
screwed up in terms of dealing with the ppl around me also.
i think il just upset everyone.
i know i upsetted you.
i can feel it.
and i can feel the shield that ppl are putting up to protect you.
its my fault.
im sorry.
tho i felt that it was necessary.
but i guess that i was wrong.
wel, that makes me screwed up for practically almost everything.
tell me, which part am i supposed to succeed in?
where am i supposed to be?
i know im not supposed to exist here.
i really want to dump myself.
dump myself somewhere.
its really not abt jiayou-ing or not.
cz whats the point of adding oil to a piece of glass, which will totally not burn at all?
i know this time, i am screwed up.
seriously.
ARGH.
my summary is so long.
so it can be inferred that the original content would be alot more.
16 days to syf.
mata ne..