okay, i cant stand it anymore.
i feel like an utter useless piece of shit who is a good for nothing.
ive been slacking at home and doing NOTHING constructive for the past two and a half weeks.
and i hate myself for that.
yes yes, ive asked agents for help.
and so many of them.
but now i wonder if i can even
trust them to find a job for me.
il bet they had thrown my details away cz i refuse to do admin jobs.
AND ITS BECAUSE I HAVE ALLERGIES AND NOT CZ IM PICKY
OKAY.
although il admit that 20% is cz im quite sick of admin.
i am so freaking pist off at myself for not being able to solve this big fat shitty problem that is dumped right in front of my face a few weeks ago.
im tired of interviews and looking for jobs and calling ppl up and getting rejected and ppl depending on me to find sth and come up w a solution.
understand the meaning of
frustration?
now its like as if i have each foot on a different boat, named "ask agency" and "find one yourself" respectively.
before i can pick one foot up and put it tgt w the other foot in the other boat, i fall right through the water.
and guess what? if i stay like this,
il still fall into the water anyway.i so cant take this anymore.
no, i am not some boulder that cant be knocked down.
and no, neither can i support, 24/7, all the ppl who are trying to find sth to lean on.
im sick of doing all these by myself, pretending to be the strongest person in the world who can accomplish all things.
pretending that oh-im-happy-all-the-time-cz-no-problem-is-too-hard-for-me-to-solve.
and im sick of the responsibilities that arent supposed to be mine yet is placed on me for no good freaking reason.
the ironic thing is, my own responsibilities cant seem to be able to find their way to me.
in other words, i am not doing the things that im supposed to be doing.
oh
freak, can someone for once
tell me what to do?
cz i cant seem to know where is the problem, or what is the problem with me that caused such a mess.
i cant stand waiting for nothing anymore.
wasting my life away.
my life is a complete blank now.
huhs.
maybe i am the one who set the bar so high that i myself cant reach it.
oh what the hell.
just save me and get me out of this.
afterall, i am still a human. i need sth to lean on too.mata ne..