I
HAVENT
BEEN
BLOGGING
FOR
A
THOUSAND
YEARS.
haha omg.
nah ive been too busy.
tutorials, band, tuitions.
running up and down is like so part of my life now.
i din manage to get used to it at first.
it was tiring, and challenging, and it was hard to stay cool and un-frustrated.
but after like 2 weeks of such a busy life, it was okay le.
altho im still trying very hard to complete my tutorials on time (jap is taking up so much of my homework time!)
and i get to have a week's break now!
cant be more happy and grateful!
but still have to study for midterms.. tho its only 2 subjs, physical chem and jap.
im gna study the rest too.
YES! GANBATTE KUDASAI!
=D
i speak so much jap now.
its almost like an everyday thing.
私の日本語はよくになる～!
anw, life has been busy, so busy that i dont stop and think.
but ytd, i was ps-ed by zhenghong for lunch after jap (hahaha no lar cz he got test),
so i sat down by myself to do homework. (waiting for chloe and chuanxin to finish their tutorials so that they can come pei me eat lunch!)
cz my stuff wasnt so urgent, i actually stopped to think after a very long time.
i almost forgot how emo-ing feels like.
haha.
sigh.
i realised my thots arent so well organised as last time.
i realised i cant express myself that well with words anymore.
what i say doesnt have a logical thinking process.
i just ramble a whole load of disorganised words.
maybe its the science thing, plus it had been a long time since i last analysed.
(altho that day i just ranted a whole shit of nonsense that didnt really make sense.. poor listener)
hai, why am i here.
anw, i was pist off at a certain someone.
i am still pist off.
sigh, there are two kinds of arrogance.
when i first became quite close to this person, i thought, hey this person is not arrogant like the others of the same kind.
but it took me a while, a year in fact, to get it.
there are actually two kinds of arrogance.
the first, most common kind is to raise yourself so high up, thinking that youre the best and everything.
the second, and slighly more rare and less detectable kind is to put down others.
to push others down so that you seem relatively "higher up, or on higher ground", in that sense.

"hey this is freaking nice!"
"oh isit? i think its okay only leh."

"wah piang i think its damn hard lar"
"no lar. its VERY easy."

"its quite cheap leh!"
"huh. i saw it somewhere else and it was cheaper."

"OMG did you see this!"
"huh you dont know meh? i see so many times already lar. see until i dont wna see le."

"your sister SURE cannot make it one."
oh YEA RIGHT. look whos talking now.

and guess what, its to the extent that that person has to lie to get up there, to feel good.
when ppl have small social circles, they tend to not know how to interact with others.
they tend to not consider other ppl's feelings.
of cz, its just a tendency.
and it depends very much on each individual's character.
the degree of it varies from person to person.
this person sticks very closely with friends that are possible to make use of.
to the extent that when that person didnt have enough time to study for an open book test, a friend was requested to highlight the person's notes.
"since she has nothing to do now anyway," or so that person says.
you know, it doesnt matter how close that person is to you.
certain favours are just too much to ask them from other ppl.
sometimes, i wonder how much does conscience affect an individual.
perhaps, some ppl are just immuned to those pangs of guilt.
doesnt work on them.
selfish.
im sorry for being really bitchy here.
but im not worried about that person seeing this.
cz i just wna let that person know that, criticises arent flung into that person's face in front of everyone else cz everyone shows a certain amount of respect to others.
its not like as if others have all the problems in the world and not you.
and no one keeps saying and saying and saying.
receiving things from me again and again with the "duh-youre-so-supposed-to-give-it-to-me" kind of attitude is not something i can tolerate for very long.
and plus treating me like as if i can just close one eye and ignore every single careless remark that person makes oh-so-often.
no im not saying that i am so much better or anything.
but i just hope that ppl can put in more thought for others.
do a little more for others.
sigh.
why am i here in this world?
its all getting quite pointless isnt it?
i think so much, wonder so much, do so much, say so much,
ultimately, i realise it all boils down to
one big empty space.









just like that.
i dont know.
maybe thats why i dont think nowadays.
i end up getting more confused than before.

mata ne..