darn its. im very confused.

wel, in any case, ytd's perf was good musically, but lousy in entertaining the crowd.
and the organisers were pretty lousy as well.
my conductor got so pist off cz they cancelled fantillusion and hey jude from our repertoire CZ they let us perform 15 mins late at 7.15pm and we exceeded 8pm.
wasnt it supposed to be a 1 hour perf?
so they just sudd come up stage, stopped us from continuing, say need to put fireworks, said goodnight to the audience, and told us if we wna play we still can play.
riiiiighttt..
and they sent the cloud and sephiroth cosplay to come up during our FFX song and not the FFVII song.
like seriously, what are they doing?
aiya, long story lar.
working with them wasnt a very pleasant experience i would say, along with all the backstage stuff like visuals that werent able to be produced due to copyright issues etc.
abit sian eh, actually.
sudd i feel that its much better entertaining a crowd in a concert hall instead of at an event, and
an outdoor one some more.

and another two not so nice things occured right after that.
with ppl giving me negative comments after i did somethings.
it wasnt on purpose.. really.
i never wanted my actions to create misery or any form of trouble for others.
and i was very appalled when they just came so abruptly.
i dont mean it.. and i never thot that i could have overlooked those issues..
altho there was no way that i could have known these things would happen..

and.
having a christian friend nearby to give me encouragement whenever i need it is really very refreshing and overwhelming.
its like the words in the Bible are coming to life..
my life is in a huge mess.
and i need to pick myself up again.
sigh so emo.
:/

i am not perfect. but i constantly try to make everything as perfect as possible.
but i always find out that i am not anywhere near that.
haha i dont mean to be pessimistic, just that, it always feels better to be pessimistic and face a failure, than being optimistic and fall from all the way up there.
maybe i realised that, sometimes have to stop trying to focus so hard on making things perfect.
maybe knowing what the strengths and weaknesses are, and working on the strengths to make up for the weaknesses is a much effective approach...

i need to try harder.
try harder in the right way.

mata ne..