oh yay merry xmas!
or maybe im not supposed to say that since pastor doesnt approve of it.
sigh.

anws, i can hear mini fire crackers at 12am just now. haha. yea its 12.03am now.

and im still coughing, and my nose is still blocked.

my room is still in a mess and i havent studied for jap placement AGAIN.
life still sucks.

but im glad that my family had our usual nicely prepared dinner on xmas eve.
its damn cool to see good food all on the table, placed nicely. =)
the good are all very well prepared you know.
so pretty some more.
and i thot the christmas choir biscuits that i baked looked damn cute.
seriously.
okay, me and bethia baked. :P

honestly, i really like the christmas atmosphere.
i love the way the xmas carols keeps ringing at the back of your head, on almost every tv show/movie on channel 5, and on radio.
i love the way ppl go around crazily doing last min xmas shopping, and inside their big bags are presents nicely wrapped with coloured wrapping paper.
i love the way the ppl gather around and have fun and games (please exclude the alcohol and getting drunk part. and this only came into my picture after i entered uni. zz), the wonderful fellowship that ppl have with each other.
i love the way ppl gather around and have good food. look at the giant turkeys and ham and log cakes.
my family used to put up the xmas tree until we got too lazy to put it up anymore. i love the way the tree lights up and shines in the dark nights.
i love the way when we woke up in the morning and go to the xmas tree, my mum would have left our prez there and we can open them.
i rmb having stockings when we were even younger. =)
i love the way the shows on tv that tries to spread the xmas spirit are all so heartwarming.
i love the way everything looks so white and red and green. wonderful clean, but cheery colours.
and il especially love it if it was snowing, but ohwels.
sigh, but once xmas is over, i can totally feel the atmosphere dying off..

many ppl have the misconception that Jesus was born on xmas day but that is very wrong.
perhaps to put it in a nicer way, it is for ppl to rmb that Jesus died and rose from the dead to save us.
but to be more strict, xmas has got nothing to do with Jesus or Christianity.
OHWELS.
i still very much like the xmas atmosphere cz it makes me feel warm and cuddly inside.
and sometimes i wish i could share that with my frens.

but then again, one week after xmas would be the new year and that is something very dreadful to me.
do you know how much a new year sucks to me?
which then again brings me back to the topic about xmas.
like i said before, xmas had nothing to do with Christianity, thts why i always found it quite weird when ppl say, "oh i am not a Christian, i dont celebrate xmas".
i always thot xmas was a time for ppl to gather tgt, a little like chinese new year style, just in a more gentle, heartwarming and less aggressive style.
a time for everyone to do a little thanksgiving for the year, since it really sucks to be counting your blessings on new year's eve cz another dark and threatening year is looming ahead.
im saying this despite me being a christian myself.
i never understood why ppl reject so violently when they are asked to come for a thanksgiving session in my church since it was nothing preachy about our thanksgiving session.
i just wanted to share tht heartwarming gathering with ppl on xmas day, where i have the impression that ppl share hugs and prez, and enjoy good food.
i always loved the family, homely feeling.
i guess its what the OTHER churches do, that ppl actually generalise my church with.
but then again, my church tends to be so "special" that even some christians themselves dont understand why my church is the way it is.
wel in any case, i still wna clear the misconception that XMAS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH CHRISTIANITY.
its just another wonderful day (or could we say, excuse) for ppl to gather around and share good food and experiences of the year with the ppl that they havent seen for long, and enjoy the wonderful atmosphere of giving and sharing.
so go on, celebrate! take this chance to love the ppl that you have forgotten to love during the year.

i really feel quite sad for those ppl who have never experienced this before.

sigh.
back to myself and my daily life.
life still suck doesnt it.
i feel like im trapped in a maze, the harder i try to get out, the closer i get to the heart of the maze, feeling more trapped, claustrophobic and stressed.
i wish i could just sit down, hug myself and wish for the bushes of the maze walls to die of dehydration or something.

inside this humongous, dark room, i sit in one corner, squeezing my eyes shut, hugging my legs to myself, hoping for something to happen.

i want to get out.

mata ne...