sigh...
band camp just ended.
it was fun, wasnt it?
tho there was just too much drama for me to take it. hahha.
not that i disapprove, just that it gets a little annoying to watch at times.
i mean, just keep it to yourselves lar.
dont do it in front of 40 ppl.
zzzzzzzzzzzzz.
anw, thanks to a buddy who was always nearby.
it felt good to have someone nearby almost throughout the camp. hahha.
=))
in fact, it felt very good.
and thanks for coming to look for me too.
i thought i was the one always looking for someone to stick with.
sigh.
life sucks.
dont worry, i hate myself too.
i cant seen to find that balance point in my life.
and i am uber sick of analysis after analysis.
i hate giving so much thought into it, and getting no conclusion.
i just cant be bothered to think anymore.
wel, in any case, i am losing grip of my life. again?
sigh.
im making it sound in a very matter of fact way, and non chalent.
well done.
had our annual bbq session with the nyjc study group peeps again.
3 year le. i hope it goes on.
somehow, seeing them doesnt make me feel like my life is so screwed up.
i dont feel so loserfied around them.
and i seem to rmb how i used to be, how i used to think.
how things didnt used to be so complicated.
and everyone was still simple.
i hope everyone will just continue to keep that side of themselves facing each other.
we wont have to put up false faces like how we put it up for others out there.
it sucks lar.
tmr need to buy xmas prez for kok and shichie.
die alr i tell you.
so far i only bought plastic bags. zzzzz.
and i wna exercise.
damnits.
i am indulging myself in NEWS videos and songs.
damn cool lar~
i wonder how their real person would be like.
i mean, they can depict themself as cool on screen, but how are they really like underneath?
but in any case,
yamapi is too cool for me.
kei chan is damn funny lar, and i like the way hes so charismatic.
shige is super cheeky. the way he does embarrassing things is funny.
ryo chan is uber cool yet kawaii at the same time. i still cant get over the video of the orange juice trick when he was so innocent and cute when he was much younger. hes still like a little kid!
tegonyan turned out to be cuter than i used to think he was. his singing rocks, and he looks so pretty dressing up as a girl. and hes damn sweet =) hahah.
massu is still my utmost fav. i love the way he makes himself look so loserfied for others to laugh at. haha. his massuperman was damn cute. his smile is adorable and his laugh is super funny. and his dancing rocks. totally.
sigh.
that is like a totally different world that i am not in. ohwels.
watching from afar.
SIGH.
what kind of person do i want to become?
what kind of person am i becoming?
i get whacked by ppl for doing something that i didnt intend to cause any trouble with.
its not like i purposely wna say something bad to you right.
i mean, i know it when i purposely try to throw some sarcastic comment.
aiyaaaaaa.
why does ppl judge by their feelings?
how right is right?
how wrong is wrong?
how much can you take? how much can i take?
my standards and yours are different.
so are we supposed to say that one is right and the other wrong?
做事要看人。
每一个人都是不一样的。
so dont condemn me if i dont know you well enough.
its not like you know me well enough either.
if you cant be bothered, why should i?
and since i din condemn you, why did you do it?
in other words, why cant we just leave the ppl around us alone and not make their lives suck?
random thoughts all over the place.
i guess i just need an outlet.
to randomly throw thoughts around.
despite how good a fren is, i ought to depend on myself.
afterall, i am the one leading my own life.
i call the shots, and i decide how i want my life to be.
and therefore, i have to solve my own probs and make my own decision.
do you know how much life sucks?
oh and did i mention that i am running out of money and im panicking?
mata ne..
